To me, just another day. I don't really celebrate, or do anything special to mark the continued passage of time...I guess because that's all it is, other than having to hang a new calendar: a continuation of the same thing, passing time.
So needless to say I don't make resolutions either. But I read a status update by Patrick Green of Northern Christian Radio today that made more sense to me than most resolutions that people make. I'm not sure about the etiquette about quoting people from their Facebook walls, so I won't copy/paste, but he said that his is 2nd Corinthians 8:7 "I want to abound in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in all diligence, in love and in the grace of giving."
I have an old and dear friend for whom New Year's is important, as a time of "thankful worship and rededication to the Lord...introspection and reflection"
I can understand this, as it is something I do on a daily basis. (So does she, by the way, and is one of the most faithful Christ-serving people I've ever known.) So it doesn't have the same relevance for me I guess. But in that spirit, I am also going to claim 2Cor.8:7 as my daily reminder of why God adopted me into His family: to be a witness to who He is and what He offers us all.
Happy New Year!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Climbing Into God's Lap
You know what I love to do? Pray.
Oh, I talk to God all the time, and when He puts someone into my mind out of the blue, I know they need a prayer right then and there, so I talk to God about them no matter what else I was doing. And I ask His opinion on things, and as I go through tasks He continually gets His hands right in there with mine to make things go smoothly. His presence is always apparent to me in a very real way.
There are also times when I fall prostrate - spiritually if not physically - and let my broken heart bleed all over his nail-scarred hands. Always, He listens, lets me rant or sob or just cry out to Him for mercy or grace or healing. And I know that He answers, because either He provides what I asked for, or a calm acceptance when He provides what I didn't know I needed. Either way, His hands heal my brokenness.
But there are also special times, when I just want to be His. Those are times when I climb into his lap, which is plenty big enough to hold even me, and lean on Him, and just talk about things. I talk about people who have needs or have asked for prayer or who I just think need talking about. I chatter about the things that would cause anybody's eyes to glaze over with boredom, and I share the secrets that He already knows but that I need to talk about anyway. This is also where I repent and seek mercy, and where I allow myself to feel awestruck by His love for me.
The God Who created everything that was made, Who wove together my parts in my mother's womb, Who sought me out when I refused to acknowledge His existence, and Who keeps the planets on course...the God of Scripture...this is the God who cares so deeply about me that his arms are always open to me, no matter what...and I always will have a place there.
And so can we all. We have the great opportunity to read the greatest Love Story ever written, and through it to know its Author in a more intimate way than we have a right to. But His love for us shines through, and He offers each one of us adoption into His family to become joint heirs with Christ...and to secure a spot on His lap forever and always...
Oh, I talk to God all the time, and when He puts someone into my mind out of the blue, I know they need a prayer right then and there, so I talk to God about them no matter what else I was doing. And I ask His opinion on things, and as I go through tasks He continually gets His hands right in there with mine to make things go smoothly. His presence is always apparent to me in a very real way.
There are also times when I fall prostrate - spiritually if not physically - and let my broken heart bleed all over his nail-scarred hands. Always, He listens, lets me rant or sob or just cry out to Him for mercy or grace or healing. And I know that He answers, because either He provides what I asked for, or a calm acceptance when He provides what I didn't know I needed. Either way, His hands heal my brokenness.
But there are also special times, when I just want to be His. Those are times when I climb into his lap, which is plenty big enough to hold even me, and lean on Him, and just talk about things. I talk about people who have needs or have asked for prayer or who I just think need talking about. I chatter about the things that would cause anybody's eyes to glaze over with boredom, and I share the secrets that He already knows but that I need to talk about anyway. This is also where I repent and seek mercy, and where I allow myself to feel awestruck by His love for me.
The God Who created everything that was made, Who wove together my parts in my mother's womb, Who sought me out when I refused to acknowledge His existence, and Who keeps the planets on course...the God of Scripture...this is the God who cares so deeply about me that his arms are always open to me, no matter what...and I always will have a place there.
And so can we all. We have the great opportunity to read the greatest Love Story ever written, and through it to know its Author in a more intimate way than we have a right to. But His love for us shines through, and He offers each one of us adoption into His family to become joint heirs with Christ...and to secure a spot on His lap forever and always...
Blogged with the Flock Browser
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Computers...Part II
First of all, Pete has his laptop back - YAY!
Second, I'm full-time on the desktop now. And I can see where, for the last few years, I've lost some things on the laptop. For example, the colors are brighter and the graphics are sharper. And, of course, the sound is much better even though I'm using dinky little speakers. Still, it is a more satisfying experience when it comes to graphics and music.
Third, I'm excited that Pete has resolved my "hunching over the end table" issue! When we lived in Lansing (MI) and used our dining room as an office, I had my desktop set up on a 5' conference table. Good height, plenty of space for my printer, speakers, and whatever else I needed. But I had forgotten all about those tables. He remembered, and when Casey is here to help we will move my desktop back onto a conference table. The birds will like is also, as I'll be able to set up a play area right next to me again...although they really spend more time ON me, actually... And I'll be able to sit in a more comfortable chair rather than this stool!
So that's all good.
Fourth, I ended up deleting Thunderbird. It was definitely promising, but I couldn't figure out how to get my passwords for all of my owly.net email accounts entered, and after spending half the night trying to find the answer in their docs and elsewhere online, I gave up. So I'm back to using OE again. It has its problems and I still hate it, but at least it's familiar. I used to use Eudora, 15+ years ago...maybe I'll try that again...
It's been 3½ years since I got a laptop and stopped using a desktop on a regular basis, and already I'm finding that there are a lot of good things about it! I may just get a netbook when the time is right, and stick with this one for home use.
(BTW, this is an eMachine that I bought 2nd-hand from one of Casey's friends; apparently she'd used it for her homeschooling mostly. The model is T3985 if you're interested, but it has lots of USB ports which are a blessing, and I love that I can plug in my headphones/mic/whatever into the front of the CPU! Very nice for my purposes! Plus, since I don't move it around, I can keep my WD external HD plugged in for easy backups and file storage/access!)
So all is well, there's a happy ending, and I'm really feeling blessed!
Second, I'm full-time on the desktop now. And I can see where, for the last few years, I've lost some things on the laptop. For example, the colors are brighter and the graphics are sharper. And, of course, the sound is much better even though I'm using dinky little speakers. Still, it is a more satisfying experience when it comes to graphics and music.
Third, I'm excited that Pete has resolved my "hunching over the end table" issue! When we lived in Lansing (MI) and used our dining room as an office, I had my desktop set up on a 5' conference table. Good height, plenty of space for my printer, speakers, and whatever else I needed. But I had forgotten all about those tables. He remembered, and when Casey is here to help we will move my desktop back onto a conference table. The birds will like is also, as I'll be able to set up a play area right next to me again...although they really spend more time ON me, actually... And I'll be able to sit in a more comfortable chair rather than this stool!
So that's all good.
Fourth, I ended up deleting Thunderbird. It was definitely promising, but I couldn't figure out how to get my passwords for all of my owly.net email accounts entered, and after spending half the night trying to find the answer in their docs and elsewhere online, I gave up. So I'm back to using OE again. It has its problems and I still hate it, but at least it's familiar. I used to use Eudora, 15+ years ago...maybe I'll try that again...
It's been 3½ years since I got a laptop and stopped using a desktop on a regular basis, and already I'm finding that there are a lot of good things about it! I may just get a netbook when the time is right, and stick with this one for home use.
(BTW, this is an eMachine that I bought 2nd-hand from one of Casey's friends; apparently she'd used it for her homeschooling mostly. The model is T3985 if you're interested, but it has lots of USB ports which are a blessing, and I love that I can plug in my headphones/mic/whatever into the front of the CPU! Very nice for my purposes! Plus, since I don't move it around, I can keep my WD external HD plugged in for easy backups and file storage/access!)
So all is well, there's a happy ending, and I'm really feeling blessed!
Blogged with the Flock Browser
Monday, November 16, 2009
Computers! Can't live with 'em...
We are admittedly rather geeky in our family. Personally, I have - or did have - the laptop that has been my Main Machine for 3½ years (Pete & I have had identical ones), plus the desktop that I use mainly with my Yamaha PSR-9000Pro keyboard, and of course "N8" (Nate), my Nokia N810 Internet Tablet and constant companion.
So when the display on my laptop failed a couple of weeks ago, I wasn't overly worried since I still had 2 other computers. Still, after Pete messed around with the laptop and announced that it was fixed, I was elated! Most of my online time was spent, after all, during my down times in my recliner: while having my morning coffee/tea, while waiting for pain pills to take effect or during lunch or whatever during the day, or in the evenings.
My joy was short-lived, however, when Pete told me a few days later that he hadn't been able to fix my laptop, so he had simply replaced his own hard drive with mine in his machine! It didn't seem right to me that I still had my desktop or N8 to use but he only had his own N810. So I spent Saturday copying all of my files to my WD external HD that I use for backups, and exporting my browser and email files. By Sunday afternoon I had everything onto the WD and could start copying essential files onto my desktop. Music and videos and photos I could leave, since the WD stays plugged into to desktop all the time, used as a secondary drive for file storage anyway...
By late Sunday/early today I was done and almost ready to let Pete take his laptop back and put own HD back into it. All of my browser files and settings were nicely imported, and ditto for my Outlook Express settings and email folders...EXCEPT for the Inbox and Sent Items folders. For some reason these 2 kept showing up empty!
To make a long story short here, I'll just say that I downloaded, installed, tried, and uninstalled more OE utilities than you can imagine, and consulted numerous techie websites. Google got a real workout! I imported and copied over these 2 files a dozen times at least, deleting the folders.dbx file each time before restarting OE, and nothing! All of my other folders were fine, so it made no sense to me...and it still doesn't.
But finally, after 7 hours hunched over the keyboard (since it isn't used very much, the desktop is on a low end table), I got those last 2 files into OE by copying them from my HD in Pete's laptop onto a memory stick, moving the stick to the desktop, deleting the originally-copied-from-the-WD-drive files from the identity folder where the OE stores are kept plus the folders.dbx file of course, and starting OE again. And it worked! I can't imagine why 76 folders imported properly and 2 didn't, or why the same identical files worked from the stick but not from the WD drive...but it did and I guess that's all that matters.
I've had a love-hate relationship with OE for a decade or more. So the last thing I did was install the Mozilla Thunderbird email client (I use the Flock browser, based upon the Mozilla Firefox browser) and import my mailboxes and address book into that. My OE days are done.
So now I'll be using N8 (as I am right now), or hunched over my desktop toget online...but I'm thankful I have thm, and that Pete can now have his own computer back to get online again! Come to think of it, it does seem a little obscenely greedy to have 3 computers...
:)
So when the display on my laptop failed a couple of weeks ago, I wasn't overly worried since I still had 2 other computers. Still, after Pete messed around with the laptop and announced that it was fixed, I was elated! Most of my online time was spent, after all, during my down times in my recliner: while having my morning coffee/tea, while waiting for pain pills to take effect or during lunch or whatever during the day, or in the evenings.
My joy was short-lived, however, when Pete told me a few days later that he hadn't been able to fix my laptop, so he had simply replaced his own hard drive with mine in his machine! It didn't seem right to me that I still had my desktop or N8 to use but he only had his own N810. So I spent Saturday copying all of my files to my WD external HD that I use for backups, and exporting my browser and email files. By Sunday afternoon I had everything onto the WD and could start copying essential files onto my desktop. Music and videos and photos I could leave, since the WD stays plugged into to desktop all the time, used as a secondary drive for file storage anyway...
By late Sunday/early today I was done and almost ready to let Pete take his laptop back and put own HD back into it. All of my browser files and settings were nicely imported, and ditto for my Outlook Express settings and email folders...EXCEPT for the Inbox and Sent Items folders. For some reason these 2 kept showing up empty!
To make a long story short here, I'll just say that I downloaded, installed, tried, and uninstalled more OE utilities than you can imagine, and consulted numerous techie websites. Google got a real workout! I imported and copied over these 2 files a dozen times at least, deleting the folders.dbx file each time before restarting OE, and nothing! All of my other folders were fine, so it made no sense to me...and it still doesn't.
But finally, after 7 hours hunched over the keyboard (since it isn't used very much, the desktop is on a low end table), I got those last 2 files into OE by copying them from my HD in Pete's laptop onto a memory stick, moving the stick to the desktop, deleting the originally-copied-from-the-WD-drive files from the identity folder where the OE stores are kept plus the folders.dbx file of course, and starting OE again. And it worked! I can't imagine why 76 folders imported properly and 2 didn't, or why the same identical files worked from the stick but not from the WD drive...but it did and I guess that's all that matters.
I've had a love-hate relationship with OE for a decade or more. So the last thing I did was install the Mozilla Thunderbird email client (I use the Flock browser, based upon the Mozilla Firefox browser) and import my mailboxes and address book into that. My OE days are done.
So now I'll be using N8 (as I am right now), or hunched over my desktop toget online...but I'm thankful I have thm, and that Pete can now have his own computer back to get online again! Come to think of it, it does seem a little obscenely greedy to have 3 computers...
:)
Saturday, October 31, 2009
An AMAZING Video...
Pete found this today...really powerful stuff!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqMWvNlMo-4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqMWvNlMo-4
Friday, October 30, 2009
In It, Not Of It
I've had this whole issue of being "in the world but not of the world" in my heart for quite some time now. I haven't arranged my thoughts in any cohesive pattern yet, and - as when we pray - they are mostly sensed rather than articulated in language. I just have things in my heart that I feel a need to write about...
My heart hurts deeply for people around me, people that I love, that God loves and for whom His love overflows through me, who are going through painful and difficult times in their lives. I want to talk to them about hope, and about trust, and share the things that give me comfort: that since I gave my life to God, He has control of all circumstances and outcomes; and that since He is my Creator, who knows me better than I know myself and has a special purpose for my life, I don't have to worry about why certain things happen, or what my future will hold, or how I can make things better. It is all His, and He has never let me down or caused me to stumble (although I've tripped myself up more than I care to remember!). But for someone who is of the vague "prayer works" mindset but really has no trust or commitment to God, who casually mentions "sending up prayers" but still maintains control of their own lives, and who has no 24/7 relationship with God through Christ - they don't, can't, get true comfort, and even joy, in the midst of their trials. To someone that's not in that "I am His and He is mine" relationship by the grace of God (not our own efforts) through the blood of Christ (opening up the door that sin had closed)...there can be no hope or comfort. The comfort the world offers is empty, how could I offer that to hurting people?
So what is the answer? God has it: "Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, and our God and Father, who has loved us and given us everlasting consolation and good hope by grace, comfort your hearts and establish you in every good word and work." 2 Thess. 2:16-17. Compare that to Job 21:34 “How then can you comfort me with empty words, since falsehood remains in your answers?” and you can see what I mean. "There, there now, things will get better" is so meaningless, once you've experienced, "But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 12:26-27. WOW!
This world will pass away, everything here is temporary. Those who are living for it can find no comfort in it. As much as that hurts my heart, I know that it hurts God's more, He loves every single one of His creation with a love we can't even begin to understand! So many, even among Christians, love the world more than the Kingdom, as is evidenced by their fear of death and the mindset, even in believers, of life (quantity of years on earth) at any cost. Why? Our time here is just the blink of an eye, just a tiny speck in an eternity that is bigger than the universe. Whether we are called Home when we're 40 or when we're 90, isn't going Home what it's all about? Working for the Kingdom (not our 401K or our retirement or a bigger house and 2 cars) while we're here, and when our work is done, to be rewarded by an eternity spent with the One we love and serve...there is great comfort in that!
That's what Jesus' words in John 17 are all about. We're here to share God's bounty of love, blessing, joy, and life with the world, but it's not about living here, it's not about prosperity or worldly success - it's about getting the job done and joyfully going Home, to the arms of our beloved Jesus, and taking as many as we can with us for He rejoices with every soul who finds its way home to Him. (See Luke 15) He doesn't want any of us to be lost: "...He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." (2Peter 3:9)
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." John 12:1-4 NIV
I have loved the world. I have lived for worldly reward. That is part of the human experience. If we have never seen the emptiness of a worldly life, we can't turn from it to the joy of a Christ-filled life. I praise God for the work He does through me now...I thank Him for the joy that stays with me as His Spirit lives within my heart and fills every pore of my being...I pray to be a vessel so He can use me...I offer up my body as a living sacrifice, living to be pleasing to God, not conforming to this world, but transformed (Romans 12:1-2)...and I look forward anxiously to the day when I can run into the arms of my beloved Jesus, the Source of all comfort.
My heart hurts deeply for people around me, people that I love, that God loves and for whom His love overflows through me, who are going through painful and difficult times in their lives. I want to talk to them about hope, and about trust, and share the things that give me comfort: that since I gave my life to God, He has control of all circumstances and outcomes; and that since He is my Creator, who knows me better than I know myself and has a special purpose for my life, I don't have to worry about why certain things happen, or what my future will hold, or how I can make things better. It is all His, and He has never let me down or caused me to stumble (although I've tripped myself up more than I care to remember!). But for someone who is of the vague "prayer works" mindset but really has no trust or commitment to God, who casually mentions "sending up prayers" but still maintains control of their own lives, and who has no 24/7 relationship with God through Christ - they don't, can't, get true comfort, and even joy, in the midst of their trials. To someone that's not in that "I am His and He is mine" relationship by the grace of God (not our own efforts) through the blood of Christ (opening up the door that sin had closed)...there can be no hope or comfort. The comfort the world offers is empty, how could I offer that to hurting people?
So what is the answer? God has it: "Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, and our God and Father, who has loved us and given us everlasting consolation and good hope by grace, comfort your hearts and establish you in every good word and work." 2 Thess. 2:16-17. Compare that to Job 21:34 “How then can you comfort me with empty words, since falsehood remains in your answers?” and you can see what I mean. "There, there now, things will get better" is so meaningless, once you've experienced, "But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 12:26-27. WOW!
This world will pass away, everything here is temporary. Those who are living for it can find no comfort in it. As much as that hurts my heart, I know that it hurts God's more, He loves every single one of His creation with a love we can't even begin to understand! So many, even among Christians, love the world more than the Kingdom, as is evidenced by their fear of death and the mindset, even in believers, of life (quantity of years on earth) at any cost. Why? Our time here is just the blink of an eye, just a tiny speck in an eternity that is bigger than the universe. Whether we are called Home when we're 40 or when we're 90, isn't going Home what it's all about? Working for the Kingdom (not our 401K or our retirement or a bigger house and 2 cars) while we're here, and when our work is done, to be rewarded by an eternity spent with the One we love and serve...there is great comfort in that!
That's what Jesus' words in John 17 are all about. We're here to share God's bounty of love, blessing, joy, and life with the world, but it's not about living here, it's not about prosperity or worldly success - it's about getting the job done and joyfully going Home, to the arms of our beloved Jesus, and taking as many as we can with us for He rejoices with every soul who finds its way home to Him. (See Luke 15) He doesn't want any of us to be lost: "...He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." (2Peter 3:9)
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." John 12:1-4 NIV
I have loved the world. I have lived for worldly reward. That is part of the human experience. If we have never seen the emptiness of a worldly life, we can't turn from it to the joy of a Christ-filled life. I praise God for the work He does through me now...I thank Him for the joy that stays with me as His Spirit lives within my heart and fills every pore of my being...I pray to be a vessel so He can use me...I offer up my body as a living sacrifice, living to be pleasing to God, not conforming to this world, but transformed (Romans 12:1-2)...and I look forward anxiously to the day when I can run into the arms of my beloved Jesus, the Source of all comfort.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Day 12...
...and finally feeling better. About 50% better in fact. Today I was able to play my keyboard for a while (not serious playing, since people were around, but enough to get it out of my system for the time being), go grocery shopping at several local stores - then come home and blog about it on my Cheap'n'Easy Low Carb blog, and prepare a nice supper of meatloaf, fauxtatoes, and salad. Tomorrow I want to take my house back from the clutter that has accumulated while I was down!
And this recovery isn't a moment too soon! I'd gone for 9 days without ever leaving the house, and only rarely leaving my recliner or bed. My birds got by on a lick and a promise, both in diet and in cagekeeping.
While I'm really thankful for my recovery, I'm feeling really badly for my wonderful husband, who did so much for me while I was down. Because now he's got the same flu that I had, and he has it bad. He's so miserable, and I know just how badly he feels, having just been where he is. The only thing that I'm thankful for is that he got started on the Tamiflu within the first 18 hour of his symptoms...so I'm hopeful that he will have a short run of it.
My seasonal job has ended for the year, I've got lots of plans (fall cleaning and reorganization that will probably take us straight through the winter!) and things I want to do around my home, and of course am looking forward to getting more hours babysitting that adorable, funny, smart grandbaby of mine, and lots of time with my great kid Casey too!
And this recovery isn't a moment too soon! I'd gone for 9 days without ever leaving the house, and only rarely leaving my recliner or bed. My birds got by on a lick and a promise, both in diet and in cagekeeping.
While I'm really thankful for my recovery, I'm feeling really badly for my wonderful husband, who did so much for me while I was down. Because now he's got the same flu that I had, and he has it bad. He's so miserable, and I know just how badly he feels, having just been where he is. The only thing that I'm thankful for is that he got started on the Tamiflu within the first 18 hour of his symptoms...so I'm hopeful that he will have a short run of it.
My seasonal job has ended for the year, I've got lots of plans (fall cleaning and reorganization that will probably take us straight through the winter!) and things I want to do around my home, and of course am looking forward to getting more hours babysitting that adorable, funny, smart grandbaby of mine, and lots of time with my great kid Casey too!
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Day 8 - Is It My Imagination, or...
...are the glands in my neck a little less swollen today? Still have headache, stiff neck a little better, pain around my back and ribs a little better, still have sore throat, lack of appetite, feel drained and achy.
I did eat some delicious "breakfast fish" that Pete made, not because I was hungry but because I love breakfast fish. And I did play my keyboard for a few minutes, just a couple of songs, because I miss it...but sitting on the bench was too tiring for any more than that. I'm incredibly bummed that I won't be playing for church tomorrow - or even going to church tomorrow - since I enjoyed my "debut" last week. I'm sorry that they have to use their canned music since so many people told me that they like my keyboard better...
But there are always blessings. I have no choice but to spend my days either in my recliner or in bed...but the view of the yellow, gold, red, and green leaves, with all of the evergreens outside of my window, I wouldn't notice so much if I were busy. Man can't make colors like this, and God is giving me the opportunity to admire His own handiwork in our lovely wooded neighborhood 100' above the lake. There's definitely something to be said for stopping for a while to spend time at quiet pursuits, drawing near to the Lord, and, even with the flu, getting a break from the sometimes-frenetic pace of life.
I did eat some delicious "breakfast fish" that Pete made, not because I was hungry but because I love breakfast fish. And I did play my keyboard for a few minutes, just a couple of songs, because I miss it...but sitting on the bench was too tiring for any more than that. I'm incredibly bummed that I won't be playing for church tomorrow - or even going to church tomorrow - since I enjoyed my "debut" last week. I'm sorry that they have to use their canned music since so many people told me that they like my keyboard better...
But there are always blessings. I have no choice but to spend my days either in my recliner or in bed...but the view of the yellow, gold, red, and green leaves, with all of the evergreens outside of my window, I wouldn't notice so much if I were busy. Man can't make colors like this, and God is giving me the opportunity to admire His own handiwork in our lovely wooded neighborhood 100' above the lake. There's definitely something to be said for stopping for a while to spend time at quiet pursuits, drawing near to the Lord, and, even with the flu, getting a break from the sometimes-frenetic pace of life.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Remember Last Saturday...
...when I talked about being sick? Well here it is, one week from when this horrible bug hit...and I still have it. Not the after-effects of it, no, but rather the bug itself. I STILL have a sore swollen throat. The glands in my neck are so big that moving my head causes pressure and discomfort. Headache. Stiff neck. Pain in my back and ribs. Body aches. Chills. Sweats. Lethargy. No appetite...the list goes on.
It started Friday, I went from feeling fine to totally miserable within a couple of hours. Saturday was worse than Friday. Sunday was worse than Saturday. Monday was worse than Sunday. Tuesday was worse than Monday - by this point I didn't think I could get any worse! Wednesday, no worse, but no better. Ditto Thursday and today...
I'm so sick, and so tired of being sick...
It started Friday, I went from feeling fine to totally miserable within a couple of hours. Saturday was worse than Friday. Sunday was worse than Saturday. Monday was worse than Sunday. Tuesday was worse than Monday - by this point I didn't think I could get any worse! Wednesday, no worse, but no better. Ditto Thursday and today...
I'm so sick, and so tired of being sick...
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Something I never thought would even cross my mind...
It shocked me when I was looking around online yesterday and realized that I was considering a new keyboard! I thought I'd never see the day when the honeymoon would come to an end with my PSR-9000Pro. And indeed, I still love it to pieces! No, I'm not considering a replacement, I'm considering an addition.
It is true that there is still much uncharted territory with my 9000Pro, which I've had for 2 years (plus 2 days, to be exact...although the first week I had it, I was so intimidated that I just looked at it and never turned it on). I've barely scratched the surface of its possibilities, and yet even with my rudimentary knowledge of the beast, it still manages to churn out some pretty impressive music. So no, I absolutely don't want to trade up. I just want to add up.
Part of my longing is based upon using my keyboard at church. It's the last of the big heavy sturdy substantive performer arrangers; it's a tank, and quality through and through. But that nearly-50-pounds of bulky weight is quite a load to remove from the stand, put in its protective wrap, strap to its very own dolly, down stairs, lifted into the van, lifted out of the van, back up more stairs, reverse the strapping and wrapping, perch on the keyboard stand at church, hook up the various cables...and then reverse THAT process an hour later...and again the following week...
So, while my budget won't allow for another keyboard for quite some time, I have started to dream again. I won't be able to afford the Tyros3 top-of-the-line arranger. But perhaps the PSR-S910...T3's cheaper but quite impressive cousin. More voices and styles than I'll know what to do with, and will record straight to a memory stick (my 9000Pro uses a floppy disk, if that tells you anything about its age) - but only 2 RH voices and 1 LH...I really love being able to stack up 4 total voices with my 9000Pro, and don't know if I'd feel cheated with the loss of a voice. I suspect I would, as I was often frustrated by an old Casio with only 3 voices.
Maybe the now-outdated-but-still-way-more-modern-than-the-9000Pro Tyros 2? A used model of course. People trade up to the T3, and while the market isn't exactly flooded with them, I have seen the occasional T2 for sale. Maybe not as new and shiny as the S910, but a big step up from my current model...
For now, it's all talk. It's a lot of money, and we have plenty of other uses for that kind of change. And my trusty 9000Pro is the last of its kind, and way more than adequate for my purpose. Yet, every couple of days I still find myself clicking my way to eBay...just to see...
It is true that there is still much uncharted territory with my 9000Pro, which I've had for 2 years (plus 2 days, to be exact...although the first week I had it, I was so intimidated that I just looked at it and never turned it on). I've barely scratched the surface of its possibilities, and yet even with my rudimentary knowledge of the beast, it still manages to churn out some pretty impressive music. So no, I absolutely don't want to trade up. I just want to add up.
Part of my longing is based upon using my keyboard at church. It's the last of the big heavy sturdy substantive performer arrangers; it's a tank, and quality through and through. But that nearly-50-pounds of bulky weight is quite a load to remove from the stand, put in its protective wrap, strap to its very own dolly, down stairs, lifted into the van, lifted out of the van, back up more stairs, reverse the strapping and wrapping, perch on the keyboard stand at church, hook up the various cables...and then reverse THAT process an hour later...and again the following week...
So, while my budget won't allow for another keyboard for quite some time, I have started to dream again. I won't be able to afford the Tyros3 top-of-the-line arranger. But perhaps the PSR-S910...T3's cheaper but quite impressive cousin. More voices and styles than I'll know what to do with, and will record straight to a memory stick (my 9000Pro uses a floppy disk, if that tells you anything about its age) - but only 2 RH voices and 1 LH...I really love being able to stack up 4 total voices with my 9000Pro, and don't know if I'd feel cheated with the loss of a voice. I suspect I would, as I was often frustrated by an old Casio with only 3 voices.
Maybe the now-outdated-but-still-way-more-modern-than-the-9000Pro Tyros 2? A used model of course. People trade up to the T3, and while the market isn't exactly flooded with them, I have seen the occasional T2 for sale. Maybe not as new and shiny as the S910, but a big step up from my current model...
For now, it's all talk. It's a lot of money, and we have plenty of other uses for that kind of change. And my trusty 9000Pro is the last of its kind, and way more than adequate for my purpose. Yet, every couple of days I still find myself clicking my way to eBay...just to see...
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Everybody says...
...this is what's going around now. You feel fine one minute, and within an hour you're flat-out SICK! That's what hit me yesterday. After work yesterday Pete and I left for our Friday night date night, the weekly AYCE fish fry. Sometime between the front door and the van I started to get a little sore throat. By the time we got there - some 15 minutes later - it was a full-blown sore throat. As we were eating I could feel my throat swelling, and the body aches started, along with a low-grade fever. On the way home I started with the chills.
Today I'm miserable. And I make a lousy patient, whining and complaining and moaning and whinging all the time...hey, I've always been one to share my feelings!
But I was to babysit my sweet grandson while my daughter was at work today. I am the built-in babysitter with her living here, but it still feels like my times with him are too few and far between, given that his grampa has claimed Fridays, Casey gets 2 days off each week, and she likes him to go to day care (because he loves going there to play with the other kids) one day a week...that doesn't leave many gramma days, as we call my babysitting time. Yes, he lives here so I see him all the time, but of course when his mommy is here, I stay out of the picture and let them have their time together...
Anyway, later today I'm having to give up one of my 3 babysitting days this week. I'm watching him play right now, while he watches the Saturday morning cartoons (I wish the Christian stations had cartoons every day, they have great messages for little kids!), wanting to cuddle with him but of course, being so sick...
Which brings us back to my own misery! My throat is swollen and hurts to swallow...every joint and muscle in my body aches...I have no energy...whine...complain...moan...whinge...
Today I'm miserable. And I make a lousy patient, whining and complaining and moaning and whinging all the time...hey, I've always been one to share my feelings!
But I was to babysit my sweet grandson while my daughter was at work today. I am the built-in babysitter with her living here, but it still feels like my times with him are too few and far between, given that his grampa has claimed Fridays, Casey gets 2 days off each week, and she likes him to go to day care (because he loves going there to play with the other kids) one day a week...that doesn't leave many gramma days, as we call my babysitting time. Yes, he lives here so I see him all the time, but of course when his mommy is here, I stay out of the picture and let them have their time together...
Anyway, later today I'm having to give up one of my 3 babysitting days this week. I'm watching him play right now, while he watches the Saturday morning cartoons (I wish the Christian stations had cartoons every day, they have great messages for little kids!), wanting to cuddle with him but of course, being so sick...
Which brings us back to my own misery! My throat is swollen and hurts to swallow...every joint and muscle in my body aches...I have no energy...whine...complain...moan...whinge...
Friday, October 16, 2009
One Year Later...
It was one year ago today that my life changed forever, and today I am obsessing about it. I often say that I want my old brain back. Now it's been one year and 2 hours since I felt like me...
I woke up with a horrible headache, so bad that I called The Bug Man and told him that I couldn't take calls that day. I'd barely hung up the phone when my body stiffened and started to jerk, I lost my ability to speak, lost control of my bladder...
What happened then is anybody's guess. And that's all it was, was a guess. Of all the doctors I saw after that, the best explanation I heard - the one that seemed to be supported by the various head scans - is that there were some sort of spasms that temporarily blocked the blood supply to part of my brain. (This would seem to make sense, apparently, given that I also have prinzmetal's angina.) They called it a "cerebrovascular event" which means, basically, they don't know what happened. This, in contrast to a "cerebrovascular accident", where there is a clot or rupture within the brain...
For several hours that morning I was unable to speak, except for one sound: the "oh" sound with an "n" - oh/no. No matter what I was thinking, no matter what I wanted to say, no matter how I wanted to answer their questions, that was all I could say. It was terrifying. But what was strange, is that I could still nod yes or shake my head no - so my brain, whatever was happening inside of it, was still understanding and thinking. My mouth just didn't work. And after a couple of hours, I was able to (slowly) type on Pete's computer, "can think". I wanted him to know that I was hearing and understanding, because the hospital staff were treating me like I couldn't, and talking about me like I wasn't there, but mostly because he and Casey looked as terrified as I felt, and I wanted to reassure them. And actually, about an hour after that, while my head was in a machine that was scanning my brain for about 20 minutes, talking to God (mentally/spiritually), with headphones on and music playing, that I did regain my ability to speak. A neurologist later explained that both fervent prayer and music are known to help the brain's connections, and he wasn't surprised at all that my speech came back at that time...
Meanwhile, Pete brought my computer to the hospital the next day, and I discovered that I could only type gibberish. I've been an amazingly fast and accurate typist since high school, but what was in my head didn't make it to my fingers. I typed the right letters (for the most part) but all in the wrong order. This is something with which I still struggle...more on that later. [After completing this, I thought I'd come back to this part to add that, as I was typing it, at least 25% of my words were the wrong ones, different from the word I was thinking, and that every 2nd or 3rd word or so had to be backspaced and retyped because of that, or because the letters were typed in the wrong order. It has taken me over an hour - over an HOUR! - with no interruptions except to try to corral my chaotic thoughts every so often, as a result...]
I won't go into the massive, totally debilitating headache that followed me for months after that week in the hospital, that's a topic for another post in itself. But it was always present, along with a horrible vertigo (when I walked I was like a "beebee in a boxcar" according to Pete), for months afterward, smothering every part of my recovery and life. I went home with swallowing/choking issues, a vastly decreased vocal range (less than an octave), and that horrific nerve-pain-type headache and vertigo - but maybe worst of all were the changes in my thinking. My brain was in chaos. I felt like my wiring had turned into a pile of tangled spaghetti. More than one thing going on - like the TV on while someone was talking to me - made it impossible to focus on either one. I couldn't do math in my head, something else I'd always been a whiz at. I lost control of concentration and focus, meaing it wouldn't come even with my greatest efforts...
Today, a year later, I'm thankful that it wasn't worse. At the same time, I'm changed. People who know me best and spend time with me tell me it is very obvious; people who aren't with me a lot don't seem to notice as much. I haven't regained my organizational, multitasking, or mental math abilities, although there's maybe a 25% improvement over those first days, which happened in the first 6 months afterward - no more improvement since that time. And there are holes in my memories; places I've been, TV shows/movies I've seen, people I've met - they're all new to me again now. Some events from before I remember, others are gone, and there's no obvious pattern to which stayed and which left...
I had to give up my successful business as a result of the changes, and still grieve over that. When I type, I constantly have to backspace to rearrange the letters in my words, or replace a word that I typed with a word that I'd MEANT to type; none of that shows up in my writing, because I can fix it. Speaking, when I use words in the wrong order, or use the wrong words, it's more obvious because I can't. And the mental chaos remains when I can't control my environment, until the scrambled thoughts and input in my brain just become such a tangled ball that I can't tell them apart anymore, rendering me unable to process any of it.
How all of this affects my life from day to day, or even minute to minute, often makes me wish for my old brain back, the one that worked. Most of the changes don't "show" and people, except those who live with me or know me best, think everything is fine. I wish it was. And only I know how different things are, really...while my family (mostly my husband, daughter, and sister) sees the results of the differences...
Finally, music. My greatest fear was that I wouldn't be able to play my keyboard anymore, and I was afraid to even try when I first got home, because if I'd lost that, I wouldn't be able to stand it. When I finally tried, I found that I could still read notes and play them as they were written, although not always in the right order at first of course, and things like dynamics and style took more time to add to my playing again - but it required conscious thought and enormous concentration in those early days. I'm told that I sound fine now, when I play. It doesn't feel the same to me, I don't believe - no, I KNOW that I'm not where I used to be. Occasionally it feels close - 95% - when I'm alone, there are no distractions or other things adding chaos to my thoughts. Because playing is about the music, not the notes, which are supposed to - which used to - flow off the page and through my eyes straight to my fingers without conscious thought or concentration. Now I need to think about things, analyze what I'm seeing on the page and make it - as opposed to let it - blend with the feeling parts of music...and of course conversation or even activity around me makes my brain struggle with that. Often I don't even bother, until I'm alone or at least the house is quiet.
So yeah, I'm thankful, and God is in control of my life since I'd totally sold myself out to Him years ago. I wouldn't be human if I didn't remember how things used to be and hate the changes in how I am now. I haven't seen anything positive in myself as a result, but have been enormously blessed by my family especially...how Pete, in addition to his job, did all the cooking and cleaning and shopping and laundry and pet care in those early months, when I could do nothing at all, even walk a straight line, and took me to appointments and devoted himself to me and my care and taking care of everything with our home and pets...and how Casey, just 3 months into her new marriage, going to school and working full-time while sick constantly and unable to keep food down while in the early stages of growing a baby, stayed at the hospital with me 24/7, sleeping in a chair next to me, helping in every way that she could and being there for me no matter how unpleasant it got...and how Gwen, not only in the early days but in the coming months, gave up so much time with her family and her life downstate to spend helping, especially advocating when I couldn't get answers, and eventually getting the answer to the always-present, God-awful headaches and vertigo, thereby giving my life back to me.
Today I'm obsessing about it all, I can't stop thinking about it, it's not a day to celebrate obviously but it is a day to contemplate, and while I'm overcome with all kinds of feelings today, I'm also still trying to make sense of the whole thing and can think of little else...
I woke up with a horrible headache, so bad that I called The Bug Man and told him that I couldn't take calls that day. I'd barely hung up the phone when my body stiffened and started to jerk, I lost my ability to speak, lost control of my bladder...
What happened then is anybody's guess. And that's all it was, was a guess. Of all the doctors I saw after that, the best explanation I heard - the one that seemed to be supported by the various head scans - is that there were some sort of spasms that temporarily blocked the blood supply to part of my brain. (This would seem to make sense, apparently, given that I also have prinzmetal's angina.) They called it a "cerebrovascular event" which means, basically, they don't know what happened. This, in contrast to a "cerebrovascular accident", where there is a clot or rupture within the brain...
For several hours that morning I was unable to speak, except for one sound: the "oh" sound with an "n" - oh/no. No matter what I was thinking, no matter what I wanted to say, no matter how I wanted to answer their questions, that was all I could say. It was terrifying. But what was strange, is that I could still nod yes or shake my head no - so my brain, whatever was happening inside of it, was still understanding and thinking. My mouth just didn't work. And after a couple of hours, I was able to (slowly) type on Pete's computer, "can think". I wanted him to know that I was hearing and understanding, because the hospital staff were treating me like I couldn't, and talking about me like I wasn't there, but mostly because he and Casey looked as terrified as I felt, and I wanted to reassure them. And actually, about an hour after that, while my head was in a machine that was scanning my brain for about 20 minutes, talking to God (mentally/spiritually), with headphones on and music playing, that I did regain my ability to speak. A neurologist later explained that both fervent prayer and music are known to help the brain's connections, and he wasn't surprised at all that my speech came back at that time...
Meanwhile, Pete brought my computer to the hospital the next day, and I discovered that I could only type gibberish. I've been an amazingly fast and accurate typist since high school, but what was in my head didn't make it to my fingers. I typed the right letters (for the most part) but all in the wrong order. This is something with which I still struggle...more on that later. [After completing this, I thought I'd come back to this part to add that, as I was typing it, at least 25% of my words were the wrong ones, different from the word I was thinking, and that every 2nd or 3rd word or so had to be backspaced and retyped because of that, or because the letters were typed in the wrong order. It has taken me over an hour - over an HOUR! - with no interruptions except to try to corral my chaotic thoughts every so often, as a result...]
I won't go into the massive, totally debilitating headache that followed me for months after that week in the hospital, that's a topic for another post in itself. But it was always present, along with a horrible vertigo (when I walked I was like a "beebee in a boxcar" according to Pete), for months afterward, smothering every part of my recovery and life. I went home with swallowing/choking issues, a vastly decreased vocal range (less than an octave), and that horrific nerve-pain-type headache and vertigo - but maybe worst of all were the changes in my thinking. My brain was in chaos. I felt like my wiring had turned into a pile of tangled spaghetti. More than one thing going on - like the TV on while someone was talking to me - made it impossible to focus on either one. I couldn't do math in my head, something else I'd always been a whiz at. I lost control of concentration and focus, meaing it wouldn't come even with my greatest efforts...
Today, a year later, I'm thankful that it wasn't worse. At the same time, I'm changed. People who know me best and spend time with me tell me it is very obvious; people who aren't with me a lot don't seem to notice as much. I haven't regained my organizational, multitasking, or mental math abilities, although there's maybe a 25% improvement over those first days, which happened in the first 6 months afterward - no more improvement since that time. And there are holes in my memories; places I've been, TV shows/movies I've seen, people I've met - they're all new to me again now. Some events from before I remember, others are gone, and there's no obvious pattern to which stayed and which left...
I had to give up my successful business as a result of the changes, and still grieve over that. When I type, I constantly have to backspace to rearrange the letters in my words, or replace a word that I typed with a word that I'd MEANT to type; none of that shows up in my writing, because I can fix it. Speaking, when I use words in the wrong order, or use the wrong words, it's more obvious because I can't. And the mental chaos remains when I can't control my environment, until the scrambled thoughts and input in my brain just become such a tangled ball that I can't tell them apart anymore, rendering me unable to process any of it.
How all of this affects my life from day to day, or even minute to minute, often makes me wish for my old brain back, the one that worked. Most of the changes don't "show" and people, except those who live with me or know me best, think everything is fine. I wish it was. And only I know how different things are, really...while my family (mostly my husband, daughter, and sister) sees the results of the differences...
Finally, music. My greatest fear was that I wouldn't be able to play my keyboard anymore, and I was afraid to even try when I first got home, because if I'd lost that, I wouldn't be able to stand it. When I finally tried, I found that I could still read notes and play them as they were written, although not always in the right order at first of course, and things like dynamics and style took more time to add to my playing again - but it required conscious thought and enormous concentration in those early days. I'm told that I sound fine now, when I play. It doesn't feel the same to me, I don't believe - no, I KNOW that I'm not where I used to be. Occasionally it feels close - 95% - when I'm alone, there are no distractions or other things adding chaos to my thoughts. Because playing is about the music, not the notes, which are supposed to - which used to - flow off the page and through my eyes straight to my fingers without conscious thought or concentration. Now I need to think about things, analyze what I'm seeing on the page and make it - as opposed to let it - blend with the feeling parts of music...and of course conversation or even activity around me makes my brain struggle with that. Often I don't even bother, until I'm alone or at least the house is quiet.
So yeah, I'm thankful, and God is in control of my life since I'd totally sold myself out to Him years ago. I wouldn't be human if I didn't remember how things used to be and hate the changes in how I am now. I haven't seen anything positive in myself as a result, but have been enormously blessed by my family especially...how Pete, in addition to his job, did all the cooking and cleaning and shopping and laundry and pet care in those early months, when I could do nothing at all, even walk a straight line, and took me to appointments and devoted himself to me and my care and taking care of everything with our home and pets...and how Casey, just 3 months into her new marriage, going to school and working full-time while sick constantly and unable to keep food down while in the early stages of growing a baby, stayed at the hospital with me 24/7, sleeping in a chair next to me, helping in every way that she could and being there for me no matter how unpleasant it got...and how Gwen, not only in the early days but in the coming months, gave up so much time with her family and her life downstate to spend helping, especially advocating when I couldn't get answers, and eventually getting the answer to the always-present, God-awful headaches and vertigo, thereby giving my life back to me.
Today I'm obsessing about it all, I can't stop thinking about it, it's not a day to celebrate obviously but it is a day to contemplate, and while I'm overcome with all kinds of feelings today, I'm also still trying to make sense of the whole thing and can think of little else...
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Where Did They Go?
I've moved all of my low-carb-related posts to my new blog: Cheap'n'Easy Low Carb . I'll continue to use ChiaChatter for everything else :).
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
A New YouTube Upload
I've been working on this one for a couple of weeks, and this is the result...with some of my parrots adding their opinion in the background - lol. If I did it right, clicking on the title of my post will link to the website.
Monday, October 12, 2009
When God Lays Something On Your Heart...Part II
I just finished part I of my thoughts about our obligations toward the spreading of the Gospel of Christ, and our support of those who reach out in our communities and our world to reach all with the Word. I divided my post into two parts because it's easier to read 2 shorter blog entries than one big one I think :). This isn't as much about fund raising as it is about each of us finding ways to help our churches do their work. These are all things that I'm working on, myself; this isn't a sermon and I'm not preaching :). This is a sharing of what I can do, and hopefully others can as well. If you are led to add to this list (remember, it's not fund-raising, it's "what I can do"), please do so that more churches can be blessed!
So. We want to help our church financially. We already give our 10% and want to do more but our finances don't seem to allow for that. What else can we do?
(1) Pray. I know that we're to pray without ceasing anyway, but set aside a time to really get down with God on this one. Ask Him to use you, and to bless His church through you. Ask Him to open your eyes for opportunities to provide. He will. You and He are on the same team as you are seeking His will and tangible guidance.
(2) Make a commitment. You've prayed over it, you've opened your heart to let the Holy Spirit fill it with His will...now commit to obedience.
(3) Set aside your extra. He will provide it but you might not see it happening, so just do it. As an example, stash every dollar bill out of your wallet into an envelope each evening. Set aside your change or your singles for His Kingdom, and only for His Kingdom, not to be spent.
(4) Create extra. Find something in your home that you can sell and give the money to the church. (I can guarantee you that no possession in the world is as important as souls won for God!) Do you have a talent? Commit hours to your giving either to create extra dollars, or to help others to do so. Give a guitar lesson, or a cooking lesson, or have a snowshoe making class - then donate your proceeds.
(5) Start a project. Do you have a special talent? Make an eBook to teach others, put it online for a buck, and send those bucks to your church. Create a work of beauty - a quilt, a sweater, pillow shams, doghouses, whatever - and sell it to profit the church. (There are lots of ways to sell things, from local advertising to online selling to consignment auctions!)
(6) Increase your giving. If you're already giving 10%, give 11%. It may not make a huge difference in your household budget but once God provides the increase it can make a huge difference to your church - especially if more members get on board!
(7) Have a party. Scrapbook or sew, bring instruments and jam, play games, or whatever. And pass the plate.
(8) Set up a long, tall, clear tube in your church for spare change. The narrower the tube, the faster it will seem to fill up, and people will be more encouraged to give. It is amazing how quickly the tube can fill up with just a handful every time someone walks in the door.
(9) Donate all of your pop cans and bottles to your church. Set up a spot where people can drop them off, then volunteer your time to cash them in every week.
(10) Seek opportunity to earn - and God will provide it. It can be anything from a couple of hours of babysitting, to leaf raking/lawn mowing/snow shovelling, for a donation rather than a fee. Whenever you think, "I can't do that" make a conscious effort to think, "Hmmm, how could I make that work?" In jumping to the "I can't do that" conclusion, we choke off the small, still voice and reject a whole lot of opportunities!
If we are (a) open to the Holy Spirit's leading, (b) creative, and (c) enthusiastic, we will be amazed at how God will enable us to provide!
So. We want to help our church financially. We already give our 10% and want to do more but our finances don't seem to allow for that. What else can we do?
(1) Pray. I know that we're to pray without ceasing anyway, but set aside a time to really get down with God on this one. Ask Him to use you, and to bless His church through you. Ask Him to open your eyes for opportunities to provide. He will. You and He are on the same team as you are seeking His will and tangible guidance.
(2) Make a commitment. You've prayed over it, you've opened your heart to let the Holy Spirit fill it with His will...now commit to obedience.
(3) Set aside your extra. He will provide it but you might not see it happening, so just do it. As an example, stash every dollar bill out of your wallet into an envelope each evening. Set aside your change or your singles for His Kingdom, and only for His Kingdom, not to be spent.
(4) Create extra. Find something in your home that you can sell and give the money to the church. (I can guarantee you that no possession in the world is as important as souls won for God!) Do you have a talent? Commit hours to your giving either to create extra dollars, or to help others to do so. Give a guitar lesson, or a cooking lesson, or have a snowshoe making class - then donate your proceeds.
(5) Start a project. Do you have a special talent? Make an eBook to teach others, put it online for a buck, and send those bucks to your church. Create a work of beauty - a quilt, a sweater, pillow shams, doghouses, whatever - and sell it to profit the church. (There are lots of ways to sell things, from local advertising to online selling to consignment auctions!)
(6) Increase your giving. If you're already giving 10%, give 11%. It may not make a huge difference in your household budget but once God provides the increase it can make a huge difference to your church - especially if more members get on board!
(7) Have a party. Scrapbook or sew, bring instruments and jam, play games, or whatever. And pass the plate.
(8) Set up a long, tall, clear tube in your church for spare change. The narrower the tube, the faster it will seem to fill up, and people will be more encouraged to give. It is amazing how quickly the tube can fill up with just a handful every time someone walks in the door.
(9) Donate all of your pop cans and bottles to your church. Set up a spot where people can drop them off, then volunteer your time to cash them in every week.
(10) Seek opportunity to earn - and God will provide it. It can be anything from a couple of hours of babysitting, to leaf raking/lawn mowing/snow shovelling, for a donation rather than a fee. Whenever you think, "I can't do that" make a conscious effort to think, "Hmmm, how could I make that work?" In jumping to the "I can't do that" conclusion, we choke off the small, still voice and reject a whole lot of opportunities!
If we are (a) open to the Holy Spirit's leading, (b) creative, and (c) enthusiastic, we will be amazed at how God will enable us to provide!
When God Lays Something On Your Heart...
...you just have to do something about it. I'm blogging as my first step; the next step will be to DO those things about which I am about to write.
Our purpose as Christians isn't to be happy, be blessed, get rich, have perfect health, or any of the other popular goals that many people seem to seek from God. If that were the case, then there certainly would have been more examples of those in the early church documented in the Word. Jesus Himself had no earthly home that we're told about, but His home was always heaven, and His time here was to accomplish a mission...the greatest mission known to mankind, in fact. While many were healed, some were not. While there were those who prospered financially there were also saints who had to trust God for every morsel.
The point of this writing isn't to debate whether we should expect riches while on earth, but what God's goal IS for us while we're here and how we can help accomplish them.
The Bible is very clear that our purpose is to be a vessel of God's love to the world, to shine His light, and to preach the gospel. He wants all to be saved and none to be lost, but that can't happen unless everyone hears the Word. It is also clear that not all are called to be missionaries. But we are all called to spread the kingdom.
In this world, that means there is a need for finances. In the early church, disciples of Christ traveled on foot, finding sustenance and shelter with those who had been blessed to provide it for them, and speaking of the Gospel wherever they went.
Have we been blessed to provide for those who are speaking the Gospel wherever they go? There comes a time where each of us has to ask ourselves whether we are called to go (whether across the world or across the street, in our own sphere of souls), or to provide for those who do. In addition, each one of us is obligated to provide for our local fellowship, that it may in turn provide the Gospel, as well as our own spiritual sustenance, in our local "world".
Yet so many of our local churches are struggling to make ends meet. Every Christian feels an obligation, or should feel an obligation, to support their local church, and assure that it not only remains debt-free, but that it is able to do its work in the community. It should also be a given that the members are giving each week the tenth of their income, but that's not always the case either.
So what can we do? How can our local churches fill in the financial gap?
First, members have to realize that they will be blessed for their support. While God isn't a mechanical one-armed bandit that spews out coin with every "deposit", He promised to meet the needs of His own as we work to fulfill His purpose. The reasons that this doesn't always "work" are probably numerous, but there are two that are the most common.
One is that Christians don't always reckon the difference between wants and needs. God meets our needs, but He may not always determine that eating out several times a week, or going on expensive vacations every year, or the newest style in clothes or manicures are "needs". Indeed, if we are splurging on such things while people are being lost or our churches are unable to meet their own bills, then shame on us! God isn't going to bless those of us who seek after worldly pleasure or comfort rather than His Kingdom, or whose heart is pleased with the purchase of designer labels more than rejoicing for every person who comes to know Jesus.
The other is that we are only doing lip service to the concept of "trusting God". Do we REALLY trust Him to meet our needs? Do we see that bank balance as being more reliable as the One who created us, died for us, and has promised to care for us? Do we hold onto what's in our wallets in case something happens that might cost us money? Do we hold onto the promises of God as being more tangible than the bills we clutch in our fists? If those bills are our comfort, than we are only deluding ourselves that we are indeed trusting God.
Some people I'm sure feel they are being judged by my words. But I don't point my finger at anyone, that's not my place. I'm in, or have been or will be, the same place as I'm writing about. What I can do is share what's in my heart for God to use these words to touch yours.
And now I'm going to write a separate post about some sacrificial but relatively painless ways for God's people to help their missionaries and churches to do their work.
Our purpose as Christians isn't to be happy, be blessed, get rich, have perfect health, or any of the other popular goals that many people seem to seek from God. If that were the case, then there certainly would have been more examples of those in the early church documented in the Word. Jesus Himself had no earthly home that we're told about, but His home was always heaven, and His time here was to accomplish a mission...the greatest mission known to mankind, in fact. While many were healed, some were not. While there were those who prospered financially there were also saints who had to trust God for every morsel.
The point of this writing isn't to debate whether we should expect riches while on earth, but what God's goal IS for us while we're here and how we can help accomplish them.
The Bible is very clear that our purpose is to be a vessel of God's love to the world, to shine His light, and to preach the gospel. He wants all to be saved and none to be lost, but that can't happen unless everyone hears the Word. It is also clear that not all are called to be missionaries. But we are all called to spread the kingdom.
In this world, that means there is a need for finances. In the early church, disciples of Christ traveled on foot, finding sustenance and shelter with those who had been blessed to provide it for them, and speaking of the Gospel wherever they went.
Have we been blessed to provide for those who are speaking the Gospel wherever they go? There comes a time where each of us has to ask ourselves whether we are called to go (whether across the world or across the street, in our own sphere of souls), or to provide for those who do. In addition, each one of us is obligated to provide for our local fellowship, that it may in turn provide the Gospel, as well as our own spiritual sustenance, in our local "world".
Yet so many of our local churches are struggling to make ends meet. Every Christian feels an obligation, or should feel an obligation, to support their local church, and assure that it not only remains debt-free, but that it is able to do its work in the community. It should also be a given that the members are giving each week the tenth of their income, but that's not always the case either.
So what can we do? How can our local churches fill in the financial gap?
First, members have to realize that they will be blessed for their support. While God isn't a mechanical one-armed bandit that spews out coin with every "deposit", He promised to meet the needs of His own as we work to fulfill His purpose. The reasons that this doesn't always "work" are probably numerous, but there are two that are the most common.
One is that Christians don't always reckon the difference between wants and needs. God meets our needs, but He may not always determine that eating out several times a week, or going on expensive vacations every year, or the newest style in clothes or manicures are "needs". Indeed, if we are splurging on such things while people are being lost or our churches are unable to meet their own bills, then shame on us! God isn't going to bless those of us who seek after worldly pleasure or comfort rather than His Kingdom, or whose heart is pleased with the purchase of designer labels more than rejoicing for every person who comes to know Jesus.
The other is that we are only doing lip service to the concept of "trusting God". Do we REALLY trust Him to meet our needs? Do we see that bank balance as being more reliable as the One who created us, died for us, and has promised to care for us? Do we hold onto what's in our wallets in case something happens that might cost us money? Do we hold onto the promises of God as being more tangible than the bills we clutch in our fists? If those bills are our comfort, than we are only deluding ourselves that we are indeed trusting God.
Some people I'm sure feel they are being judged by my words. But I don't point my finger at anyone, that's not my place. I'm in, or have been or will be, the same place as I'm writing about. What I can do is share what's in my heart for God to use these words to touch yours.
And now I'm going to write a separate post about some sacrificial but relatively painless ways for God's people to help their missionaries and churches to do their work.
Monday, October 5, 2009
A Happy Day of Planning
I love planning. And I love working toward a goal. Today I'm planning. Some plans are short-term, some are longer-term, but all will be met.
There are goals for my home that I want to accomplish. First is to get the built-ins in the dining room cleaned out, sorted, and organized. The shelves, drawers, cupboards, and top have become a catchall and I want that space for other things, things that have no home yet or that need a new one. My goal is to free up 50% of the currently used space. Here is a "before" photograph :). I will accomplish that goal this week.
Second will be to take down the screens and wash the insides of the windows in preparation for putting up the storm windows. I think it's time. We haven't had Indian Summer yet (although we've had our first frost!) but we always leave a couple of windows screened so they can be opened for a good air-out on nicer days. When I get that done, it will be less of a chore for Pete to get the storms put up when he has time. That is another "this week" goal.
The 3rd "this week" goal is to get my shop cleaned up in preparation for repurposing. I will be reducing the size of my shop by half - basically it will just be another kitchen - and use the other half for my music room. We'll move my keyboard back there, fill one of the bookcases with my music books and other music-related items, and set up the desktop computer for recording. Once I get that done, Pete can help me with the furniture, counters, etc. that will have to be taken down and/or moved.
Those are my goals for this week. This month I want to have my music room set up in the shop, rearrange the living/dining/sunroom areas for winter (birds near the sunny south windows, the sunroom "cozied up", furniture arranged to keep an upcoming toddler away from cages, etc.), and get our trip planned. Pete and I want to get away for a weekend next month, something we haven't done in a while...
I also have goals to acheive by spring but I'll have to write about those another time. It makes me happy to plan things that will improve our lives or have fun :).
There are goals for my home that I want to accomplish. First is to get the built-ins in the dining room cleaned out, sorted, and organized. The shelves, drawers, cupboards, and top have become a catchall and I want that space for other things, things that have no home yet or that need a new one. My goal is to free up 50% of the currently used space. Here is a "before" photograph :). I will accomplish that goal this week.
Second will be to take down the screens and wash the insides of the windows in preparation for putting up the storm windows. I think it's time. We haven't had Indian Summer yet (although we've had our first frost!) but we always leave a couple of windows screened so they can be opened for a good air-out on nicer days. When I get that done, it will be less of a chore for Pete to get the storms put up when he has time. That is another "this week" goal.
The 3rd "this week" goal is to get my shop cleaned up in preparation for repurposing. I will be reducing the size of my shop by half - basically it will just be another kitchen - and use the other half for my music room. We'll move my keyboard back there, fill one of the bookcases with my music books and other music-related items, and set up the desktop computer for recording. Once I get that done, Pete can help me with the furniture, counters, etc. that will have to be taken down and/or moved.
Those are my goals for this week. This month I want to have my music room set up in the shop, rearrange the living/dining/sunroom areas for winter (birds near the sunny south windows, the sunroom "cozied up", furniture arranged to keep an upcoming toddler away from cages, etc.), and get our trip planned. Pete and I want to get away for a weekend next month, something we haven't done in a while...
I also have goals to acheive by spring but I'll have to write about those another time. It makes me happy to plan things that will improve our lives or have fun :).
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Neighbors!
We have a next-door neighbor, Andy, who makes a huge lovely garden every year on the lot between his home and ours, and he works that garden diligently; in the fall he burns leaves and turns the ashes down into the soil; in the spring he turns the soil again before planting. Nearly every summer evening he tends to his plants and the soil, as well as the lawn surrounding the garden.
Then, when his plants start producing in later summer, he takes what he can use and puts the rest out on a table for the neighbors - no charge, just generously shares the fruits of his labors.
On Tuesday I made a big pot of chili with peppers and tomatoes from his garden and sent him over a big bowl of it (several servings). Yesterday evening Pete and I went out for a while, and when we came home, there on our porch was our clean bowl, plus 2 boxes of fresh tomatoes and peppers! I think I will dehydrate the peppers, because I want them to last; the tomatoes we can easily use up, even though there are a couple dozen of them. I can make tomato sauce to freeze, or we can just eat them!
Anyway, we love our little 3-block neighborhood here, and our neighbors are great, but Andy is pretty special, sharing what he has with anybody who will enjoy it.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
A Successful Squash Dessert Thrown Together
Made a buttercup squash tonight, just sliced in half, seeded, and roasted, nothing special. Planned to have it with our pork steaks, but the timing wasn't exactly right so we ate the steaks (they were HUGE) alone.
After supper I scooped the squash out into my mixing bowl and started mashing it up with the KitchenAid. Thought I'd add some butter, cinnamon (great for blood sugar control!), and DiabetiSweet brown sugar sub. Hmmm, thought I, it looks almost creamy...maybe it can be dessert. So I added a generous scoop (1/2c or so) of full-fat ricotta to cream it up a bit, then some ground cloves, since I was out of pumpkin pie spice and nutmeg both (how could that happen??)...some SF vanilla syrup...a little xylitol (because a combination of sweeteners always tastes better)...and finally some heavy cream (1/4c-ish). Then I combined it and turned the mixer on high until it got almost fluffy - certainly much lighter.
This is DEFINITELY a keeper recipe. Made enough for 4 generous servings. I don't know the carb count but the carbiest part of it was the squash. Next time I'll try it with that can of pumpkin that's been sitting in the cupboard since last Thanksgiving.
Oh my goodness, I want MORE!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Of Animals and Heaven
Yesterday I had to have my 15½YO cat put to sleep. His health was failing rapidly, and there wasn't anything I could do for him except stop his suffering... I received an enormous amount of support from my family and friends, more than I'd have ever expected, and that really helped me get through the day. Life without Bruce will be difficult until the grieving is replace by happy memories. My last words to him were, "See you on the other side, buddy..."
But will I really?
A lot of people find comfort in the story of the Rainbow Bridge. I don't believe in a physical, actual bridge where our pets all wait for us, but a lot of people do and I won't say they're wrong. And there are those that argue we will - or will not - see our animals in heaven. Those who are certain that we will also get great comfort from that. The Bible does mention animals (ie, the lion will lay down with the lamb), but is silent on whether we will be rejoined with our pets or not. So, so am I. I believe we'll know when we get there.
But in seeking comfort yesterday, it had little to do with whether Bruce and I would ever be reunited. My vision of heaven has never been about reuniting with my past pets. In fact, it doesn't even include them. If they are there, I'd certainly be happy about it, but it isn't a reason for me to want to get there.
Animals in general are a wonderful blessing that God has given to us, and they serve us on so many levels: companions, coworkers, inspiration, food, clothing, protection...but there are some things that He puts into our lives for our time on earth. Marriage is one such example. In heaven we will be the bride of Christ. While on earth, we have husbands and wives to work together to do God's work. Our lives center around our spouses, here. They make us complete, here. They support us, here.
In heaven, we will be complete. We will be made whole. We will be changed, made new. Our lives will center around Christ. We, as his Church, will be His bride.
So will there be a need for our pets? In spending eternity in praise and worship of Christ, will I want a cat on my lap or a parrot on my shoulder? Or would they be a distraction from the One Whom I will be worshipping for all eternity?
I don't know.
What I DO know is this: while I have been given both the blessing and the responsibility for my dear wonderful pets, I will honor God by caring for them to the best of my ability as I strive to serve Christ in all that I do. My heart is homesick for a place I've never been, and when I get there if my past pets run and fly to greet me I will rejoice in that. But my goal in getting to heaven isn't to see my dead pets; it is to praise and worship the One that I love and serve now, during my short time here on earth. For all eternity.
But will I really?
A lot of people find comfort in the story of the Rainbow Bridge. I don't believe in a physical, actual bridge where our pets all wait for us, but a lot of people do and I won't say they're wrong. And there are those that argue we will - or will not - see our animals in heaven. Those who are certain that we will also get great comfort from that. The Bible does mention animals (ie, the lion will lay down with the lamb), but is silent on whether we will be rejoined with our pets or not. So, so am I. I believe we'll know when we get there.
But in seeking comfort yesterday, it had little to do with whether Bruce and I would ever be reunited. My vision of heaven has never been about reuniting with my past pets. In fact, it doesn't even include them. If they are there, I'd certainly be happy about it, but it isn't a reason for me to want to get there.
Animals in general are a wonderful blessing that God has given to us, and they serve us on so many levels: companions, coworkers, inspiration, food, clothing, protection...but there are some things that He puts into our lives for our time on earth. Marriage is one such example. In heaven we will be the bride of Christ. While on earth, we have husbands and wives to work together to do God's work. Our lives center around our spouses, here. They make us complete, here. They support us, here.
In heaven, we will be complete. We will be made whole. We will be changed, made new. Our lives will center around Christ. We, as his Church, will be His bride.
So will there be a need for our pets? In spending eternity in praise and worship of Christ, will I want a cat on my lap or a parrot on my shoulder? Or would they be a distraction from the One Whom I will be worshipping for all eternity?
I don't know.
What I DO know is this: while I have been given both the blessing and the responsibility for my dear wonderful pets, I will honor God by caring for them to the best of my ability as I strive to serve Christ in all that I do. My heart is homesick for a place I've never been, and when I get there if my past pets run and fly to greet me I will rejoice in that. But my goal in getting to heaven isn't to see my dead pets; it is to praise and worship the One that I love and serve now, during my short time here on earth. For all eternity.
Friday, September 11, 2009
LowCarb Eating, and Bread: My Own Experience
This won't be a bunch of recipes; a google search will turn up a bazillion of them. But it's about what works for me.
First, I do buy lowcarb breads of various types for my husband, as he loves his sandwiches and I think they're better than the carby breads. And about once a week I will make a couple of slices of toast with it. But they all contain wheat in some form and I do my best to minimize my wheat intake, which brings us to my second point...
Second, I try to avoid wheat. When I was a child I had an allergy to it. As an adult, I've suffered various problems from heartburn to bloating, from acne to insomnia...and all of them stopped when I did Atkins' induction over 5 years ago. As I added back grains, the symptoms recurred as soon as I added wheat back into my diet. The next few years of experimentation, as well as the experience of countless others, have proven to me that wheat is indeed the culprit. So I try to avoid it.
That said, however, sometimes I weigh the consequences and eat it anyway, usually in the form of Vital Wheat Gluten for my baking, or when I have purchased Carbquik in the past, or when I choose to have lowcarb bread or a tortilla or other premade lowcarb product. (A package of 10 torillas lasts me several months - I freeze them .)
I should note again here that, even though I'm still 100# above my desired weight (which differs from weight charts), I am not wanting to lose any more right now. The reasons for that are irrelevent here, but if I were, I would probably avoid most grains altogether since in the past they have slowed my weight loss incredibly.
So...back to bread. My current favorite way to eat a sandwich, or toast, is using my own version of one-minute microwave bread as inspired by this video . However, I've made a couple of changes to it: for the dry ingredients I use a combination of protein powder, flax meal, and almond flour in approximately equal quantities. I also add a tad less of the dry ingredients, so I don't get as heavy a bread. I whip my egg until really frothy, then I add in my baking powder, cream, and oil while still whipping to keep the volume. Then I stir in my dry ingredients so I don't lose too much volume before I nuke it. The difference between the video and my version isn't huge but I just like it a little better :). I've never followed a recipe in my life without making my own changes, and this is no different!
So, those are my answers to bread :). With the plethora of recipes online there seems to be a bread solution for everyone. If you have a favorite I hope that you'll let me know!
First, I do buy lowcarb breads of various types for my husband, as he loves his sandwiches and I think they're better than the carby breads. And about once a week I will make a couple of slices of toast with it. But they all contain wheat in some form and I do my best to minimize my wheat intake, which brings us to my second point...
Second, I try to avoid wheat. When I was a child I had an allergy to it. As an adult, I've suffered various problems from heartburn to bloating, from acne to insomnia...and all of them stopped when I did Atkins' induction over 5 years ago. As I added back grains, the symptoms recurred as soon as I added wheat back into my diet. The next few years of experimentation, as well as the experience of countless others, have proven to me that wheat is indeed the culprit. So I try to avoid it.
That said, however, sometimes I weigh the consequences and eat it anyway, usually in the form of Vital Wheat Gluten for my baking, or when I have purchased Carbquik in the past, or when I choose to have lowcarb bread or a tortilla or other premade lowcarb product. (A package of 10 torillas lasts me several months - I freeze them .)
I should note again here that, even though I'm still 100# above my desired weight (which differs from weight charts), I am not wanting to lose any more right now. The reasons for that are irrelevent here, but if I were, I would probably avoid most grains altogether since in the past they have slowed my weight loss incredibly.
So...back to bread. My current favorite way to eat a sandwich, or toast, is using my own version of one-minute microwave bread as inspired by this video . However, I've made a couple of changes to it: for the dry ingredients I use a combination of protein powder, flax meal, and almond flour in approximately equal quantities. I also add a tad less of the dry ingredients, so I don't get as heavy a bread. I whip my egg until really frothy, then I add in my baking powder, cream, and oil while still whipping to keep the volume. Then I stir in my dry ingredients so I don't lose too much volume before I nuke it. The difference between the video and my version isn't huge but I just like it a little better :). I've never followed a recipe in my life without making my own changes, and this is no different!
So, those are my answers to bread :). With the plethora of recipes online there seems to be a bread solution for everyone. If you have a favorite I hope that you'll let me know!
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Sadder Than I Thought I'd Be
I'd written before about changing churches recently, and our reasons for that move. We've been attending a tiny little country church for the last few months, and have grown to love it. It's very low-key, and every Sunday we leave saying, "Wow, I never thought of it that way before!" about the pastor's Sermon that week. The old hymns have been soothing to the soul, and the people friendly and welcoming.
But this morning we learned that the board had voted to close the church, and the building had been sold. It didn't really hit me until later this afternoon that I was starting to grieve. The pastor does have another church, and we will attend there...but it's 20-some miles away instead of 4. That wouldn't be a big deal, really, not for once a week. But if God moves in that church and it grows and becomes more active - or if for any reason there would be any more involvement, it would take its toll. Especially since I don't drive, and Pete is working so many hours...
(Interrupting myself here - in my proof-reading I see that I'm trying to second-guess God. And that NEVER works. See below.)
I'm sure we'll meet and enjoy the people in the other church just fine. And we already know David and Trish, at least to a degree given the short time we've been attending...none of that is the point...
Maybe I can explain it a little better: When we first went there, it was nothing that we wanted. No CCM, the preaching was drier than what we were used to, they used canned music for accompaniment...pretty much the opposite of our last 2 churches. And frankly at first we were wondering why we'd been led there. But 2 minutes into the sermon, I was riveted. And a few minutes later I had my first epiphany. And, by the time we left, Pete and I both knew this was it. As the weeks have passed, we've found the old hymns to be soothing to the soul, and the simple nature of the service to be strangely attractive to us. We started thinking of it as home. And there's a different feeling between "the pastor at the church we attend" and "our pastor". David had become our pastor, and his wife someone I looked forward to exhanging a few words with each week.
It struck both Pete and I directly that this is where God wanted us, as clearly as if He'd been standing there in person and talking to us. (His sheep know his voice.)
So now, today, I'm left wondering, why? Why were we led to a short-lived church experience?
That's one thing about living by faith: If you know what's coming, there's no need for faith. So God tends to keep us in the dark about things.
So, we'll go where David and Trish are, and we'll see how things progress. We never know what God will have in store for our future church family or activities...and we'll of course let Him use us as He sees fit.
But I will still miss "our" little country church...
But this morning we learned that the board had voted to close the church, and the building had been sold. It didn't really hit me until later this afternoon that I was starting to grieve. The pastor does have another church, and we will attend there...but it's 20-some miles away instead of 4. That wouldn't be a big deal, really, not for once a week. But if God moves in that church and it grows and becomes more active - or if for any reason there would be any more involvement, it would take its toll. Especially since I don't drive, and Pete is working so many hours...
(Interrupting myself here - in my proof-reading I see that I'm trying to second-guess God. And that NEVER works. See below.)
I'm sure we'll meet and enjoy the people in the other church just fine. And we already know David and Trish, at least to a degree given the short time we've been attending...none of that is the point...
Maybe I can explain it a little better: When we first went there, it was nothing that we wanted. No CCM, the preaching was drier than what we were used to, they used canned music for accompaniment...pretty much the opposite of our last 2 churches. And frankly at first we were wondering why we'd been led there. But 2 minutes into the sermon, I was riveted. And a few minutes later I had my first epiphany. And, by the time we left, Pete and I both knew this was it. As the weeks have passed, we've found the old hymns to be soothing to the soul, and the simple nature of the service to be strangely attractive to us. We started thinking of it as home. And there's a different feeling between "the pastor at the church we attend" and "our pastor". David had become our pastor, and his wife someone I looked forward to exhanging a few words with each week.
It struck both Pete and I directly that this is where God wanted us, as clearly as if He'd been standing there in person and talking to us. (His sheep know his voice.)
So now, today, I'm left wondering, why? Why were we led to a short-lived church experience?
That's one thing about living by faith: If you know what's coming, there's no need for faith. So God tends to keep us in the dark about things.
So, we'll go where David and Trish are, and we'll see how things progress. We never know what God will have in store for our future church family or activities...and we'll of course let Him use us as He sees fit.
But I will still miss "our" little country church...
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Just thinking about the news...
...and I am so glad that we have the internet now so we're not at the mercy of the mainstream media. Foxnews, who doesn't simply parrot what the other news sources opine, is a singular option for those who want to make up their own minds. Even so, it seems that reporting has given way to commentary and opinion in the name of "news". The multitude of web sources gives us options, shows us "the rest of the story" and exposes commentary and opinion for what it truly is. Which is not "news".
More Than We Can Bear
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. (NIV) ICor.10:13
God's Word is often misquoted, omitting the all-important word "tempted". I've even had pastors misquote God in an attempt to comfort me during trials.
If the idea that God never gives us more than we can bear WERE true, then why would I need God?
Today I found a blog entry that says it much better than I ever could. If I did it right, my title should link to it.
God's Word is often misquoted, omitting the all-important word "tempted". I've even had pastors misquote God in an attempt to comfort me during trials.
If the idea that God never gives us more than we can bear WERE true, then why would I need God?
Today I found a blog entry that says it much better than I ever could. If I did it right, my title should link to it.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Shopping with God
I've been saving up my pennies for a couple of months now, needing a few pieces of furniture. I shop thrifts - or I should say THE thrift since Houghton Lake only really has one of any size. The St. Vincent dePaul store is very large and I can spend hours just wandering around that place, but whenever I've wanted something specific I've not had much luck there. But Pete had to go to work at 2:00 so I got up early (for a Saturday, my only day to sleep in all week) for a planned outing to St.V's that I'd been planning all week. I was SO hopeful to find at least one of the items I needed, for a decent price...
So we got to St. V's right after they opened. I walked in the door to the furniture side of the building and saw it right away: the loveseat of my dreams. Actually it is for Casey, as the chairs in our living room aren't made for lounging in and cuddling a baby. Small living room, the 2 recliners that Pete and I sit in, and 2 other "company chairs"...when Casey moved back home there wasn't a cozy chair for her. Since the room is too small for a sofa, Casey has wanted a nice cozy loveseat for herself and her baby to cuddle in.
So right there, just a few pieces from the door was a cozy overstuffed loveseat. My living room has a rose carpet and I use sage, beige, and wine colors with it. It was sage. Nice fat arms so she could lay her head on them comfortably, and the baby can tuck into the corner. Little indentations at the ends for her head. Very VERY comfortable-looking. Then I started to jiggle it to make sure it was as sturdy as it looks...and it ROCKS! She can even rock Leelan on it! Amazing, I couldn't have ordered one more perfect!
Something else I needed: a table for my keyboard. It's sitting on a table that my mom gave me but my sister needs back to complete a set. It's about 2" too high anyway, for comfortable playing, at 29". I measured it so that I could try to find the right height this time...but of course then I forgot to bring my tape measure. When I saw a table that would be ideal (not only the right size, but sturdy, and has casters!), I realized I had no way to measure it. But for $15 I thought I'd get it anyway since it was perfect in every other way...got it home, and guess what? It's 27" high!
Also needed a small table or very small desk for the new (used) computer I just got to use with my keyboard, that would fit in the small area next to it. Yup, found it. A rather large, taller-than-normal end table. Perfect, without taking up too much space. Perfect color of wood too, it blends right in.
And I didn't have any hope at all of finding a stool to use with whatever table I'd find. But there it was, right at the end of the aisle, a good sturdy, strong stool...with a wine-colored seat that matches my other living room accents!
I was hoping to find just one of the things I needed...but found all 4, and it was like every single one of them was made specifically for the purpose I needed it for, and in the perfect sizes and colors!
The loveseat, being used, had some small blemishes on the seat and on the back, nothing too worrisome but I thought a twin sheet would cover it. On the other side of the store, where the household items are, I glanced quickly at the twin flat sheets, and there it was: a beige sheet with a rose, wine, and sage colored subtle floral pattern! No WAY! For 75c I snatched it up!
We also, of course, looked at the toys. A couple of days ago Casey mentioned that she wanted to get Leelan one of those big floor toys that, when you step on different places, it plays music. Well, they had one there. A nicer one than I've ever seen, very colorful, lots of different instruments represented, etc. In like-new condition. So I grabbed it. For a buck.
On the way out, a chopper, like I use for herbs and things. Since mine just developed a crack in the lid I've had in the back of my mind that "sometime I'll have to get another one". There was a very nice one on the shelf, a Cuisinart which is much better than my previous $10 Walmart special, for $2.50. That completed my purchases.
I love shopping with God :). He always makes my paths straight and supplies my needs, but today He just made it really obvious!
So we got to St. V's right after they opened. I walked in the door to the furniture side of the building and saw it right away: the loveseat of my dreams. Actually it is for Casey, as the chairs in our living room aren't made for lounging in and cuddling a baby. Small living room, the 2 recliners that Pete and I sit in, and 2 other "company chairs"...when Casey moved back home there wasn't a cozy chair for her. Since the room is too small for a sofa, Casey has wanted a nice cozy loveseat for herself and her baby to cuddle in.
So right there, just a few pieces from the door was a cozy overstuffed loveseat. My living room has a rose carpet and I use sage, beige, and wine colors with it. It was sage. Nice fat arms so she could lay her head on them comfortably, and the baby can tuck into the corner. Little indentations at the ends for her head. Very VERY comfortable-looking. Then I started to jiggle it to make sure it was as sturdy as it looks...and it ROCKS! She can even rock Leelan on it! Amazing, I couldn't have ordered one more perfect!
Something else I needed: a table for my keyboard. It's sitting on a table that my mom gave me but my sister needs back to complete a set. It's about 2" too high anyway, for comfortable playing, at 29". I measured it so that I could try to find the right height this time...but of course then I forgot to bring my tape measure. When I saw a table that would be ideal (not only the right size, but sturdy, and has casters!), I realized I had no way to measure it. But for $15 I thought I'd get it anyway since it was perfect in every other way...got it home, and guess what? It's 27" high!
Also needed a small table or very small desk for the new (used) computer I just got to use with my keyboard, that would fit in the small area next to it. Yup, found it. A rather large, taller-than-normal end table. Perfect, without taking up too much space. Perfect color of wood too, it blends right in.
And I didn't have any hope at all of finding a stool to use with whatever table I'd find. But there it was, right at the end of the aisle, a good sturdy, strong stool...with a wine-colored seat that matches my other living room accents!
I was hoping to find just one of the things I needed...but found all 4, and it was like every single one of them was made specifically for the purpose I needed it for, and in the perfect sizes and colors!
The loveseat, being used, had some small blemishes on the seat and on the back, nothing too worrisome but I thought a twin sheet would cover it. On the other side of the store, where the household items are, I glanced quickly at the twin flat sheets, and there it was: a beige sheet with a rose, wine, and sage colored subtle floral pattern! No WAY! For 75c I snatched it up!
We also, of course, looked at the toys. A couple of days ago Casey mentioned that she wanted to get Leelan one of those big floor toys that, when you step on different places, it plays music. Well, they had one there. A nicer one than I've ever seen, very colorful, lots of different instruments represented, etc. In like-new condition. So I grabbed it. For a buck.
On the way out, a chopper, like I use for herbs and things. Since mine just developed a crack in the lid I've had in the back of my mind that "sometime I'll have to get another one". There was a very nice one on the shelf, a Cuisinart which is much better than my previous $10 Walmart special, for $2.50. That completed my purchases.
I love shopping with God :). He always makes my paths straight and supplies my needs, but today He just made it really obvious!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Some Nice Little Cookies (low carb recipe)
Yesterday I wanted something light and not too sweet to have with coffee so I went to my kitchen to create something from what I had on hand. This recipe gave me about 6 dozen delightful little delicate cookies that filled the bill perfectly!
1 stick butter, softened
4 oz. cream cheese, softened
1/4c xylitol
1/2t salt
1/2c SF vanilla syrup
2c almond flour
1/4c polydextrose
1/4c coconut flour
whip together butter and cream cheese until creamy; whip in xylitol and
salt; add vanilla syrup and whip until well-blended. Add almond flour,
polydex, and coconut flour, and blend well.
dough will be light if it has been well-whipped. (I didn't even use the
paddle, just stuck with the whip in my mixer.) Scoop onto sprayed cookie
sheet in walnut-sized spoonfuls, bake @ 350 JUST until the edges start to
brown; remove from oven and let stand on cookie sheet for a few minutes
before removing, as they are light and delicate will break apart unless
given time to pull together; once they're a little "tighter" you can remove
them to finish cooling.
Do not seal up to store, they become too moist; I left these on a platter, open, on the counter last night and they're still very moist and good - sealing them up they would have been wet by morning.
I didn't do the math and figure up the carb count but it's around 30gN for the whole recipe. If you want/need to be more exact, http://www.ars.usda.gov/Services/docs.htm?docid=17032
1 stick butter, softened
4 oz. cream cheese, softened
1/4c xylitol
1/2t salt
1/2c SF vanilla syrup
2c almond flour
1/4c polydextrose
1/4c coconut flour
whip together butter and cream cheese until creamy; whip in xylitol and
salt; add vanilla syrup and whip until well-blended. Add almond flour,
polydex, and coconut flour, and blend well.
dough will be light if it has been well-whipped. (I didn't even use the
paddle, just stuck with the whip in my mixer.) Scoop onto sprayed cookie
sheet in walnut-sized spoonfuls, bake @ 350 JUST until the edges start to
brown; remove from oven and let stand on cookie sheet for a few minutes
before removing, as they are light and delicate will break apart unless
given time to pull together; once they're a little "tighter" you can remove
them to finish cooling.
Do not seal up to store, they become too moist; I left these on a platter, open, on the counter last night and they're still very moist and good - sealing them up they would have been wet by morning.
I didn't do the math and figure up the carb count but it's around 30gN for the whole recipe. If you want/need to be more exact, http://www.ars.usda.gov/Services/docs.htm?docid=17032
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
My N810: A Love Story
N8. For those who don't know, he is my Nokia N810 Internet Tablet. Approximately the same size as my old Tungsten E Palm Pilot, he has definitely become my constant companion and side-kick. Why? That's what I want to write about...
First, he accesses the internet anyplace there is wifi - which is almost anyplace at all, anymore. I can check my email/write emails, go to my facebook or twitter pages, check my RSS feeds, do my blogging, grab podcasts, and nearly anything else that I do online with my laptop.
Second, and this is related to the first, I watch YouTube videos. There is a fantastic app called MyTube that will find videos on any given keyword, play them, or download them. I can watch praise and worship videos, lowcarb cooking demos, Tim Hawkins skits, or whatever else suits my fancy - or I can download them to watch later at my leisure - all with the same app! In fact, I've grabbed quite a few videos for my 4MO grandson to watch, and wherever we are if he gets fussy or bored, he can watch the Blooples (which he loves!) or Hillsong Kids.
Third, I can communicate. Not only via email, social sites, and chats, but also make phone calls. No, N8 is not a phone, but between Skype and Google Voice I can make calls to anybody I want to, whenever I'm on wifi (which is 90% of the time). And, with Google Voice, I can SMS to cell phones without paying for text messaging with my cell phone service!
Fourth - MUSIC! I can play any internet radio station, anytime I want music. (Current favorites: WBGL, SmileFM, or Northern Christian Radio.) I can play mp3's so it's like I have my CDs with me all the time.
Fifth, I listen to music on N8 (yes, he sings to me!) as I'm going to sleep at night and since he has an alarm clock, I have eliminated the clock-radio on my nightstand and freed up a lot of space - plus one less thing to dust!
Sixth, he imitates my Palm Pilot, which is one of the things I sold in order to buy him. Using the GarnetVM app, he looks and acts just like my Palm did! I've got the same games and apps that I use to love, even though I no longer have my Palm!
Seventh, he imitates my Zune, which is another of the things I sold in order to buy N8. My Zune contained photos, mp3's, and videos - now on N8. My Zune also played local FM radio stations - N8 plays an unlimited number of internet radio stations, including the locals ones I listed above!
Eighth, he keeps me from getting lost. The GPS is magnificent! I don't drive anymore, so I don't really get lost :) but I track where my husband is going, and save the routes so that we can get there again. All of my favorite spots are marked on the map. In our drives, if we find a spot we want to revisit, we can take a photo of it using the GPSCamera, and it not only saves the photo for a visual reference, but notes the coordinates as part of the jpg information file! Not only that, but his built-in compass keeps me from getting all turned around (as I often do)!
Ninth, and speaking of photos, he is a camera. This is, admittedly, his weakest area, if having quality photos is important to you. The camera is on the same side of the screen, as he was built for video conferencing. I didn't buy him with any illusions that he would replace my digital camera; therefore I wasn't disappointed. However, it definitely comes in handy as mentioned above, or if I just want to snap a quick photo of something when my digital camera isn't around, or need a quick pic for whatever reason. And I have discovered that it isn't a big deal that I can't see what I'm shooting easily...with a little practice I've developed decent aim.
Tenth: He saves me money. LOTS of it. I used to read magazines a lot, and would purchase at least 3 every week. Now I read blogs or comics or articles or eBooks or whatever online in all the places and at all the times I used to read the magazines. Also, he saves me cell phone minutes. Making the calls I used to make (and receive) on my cell phone is allowing me to change to a much cheaper plan. Just these 2 things are over $100/month!
Eleventh: He tells me the weather - crucial to my job - every morning when I get out of bed; it's right there on his face, I don't even have to go looking for it. And it's updated continually, so at a glance, all day every day, I know the forecasts.
Twelfth: He helps me in the kitchen - which also saves money! When I saw an online recipe I wanted to try, I could either make room on my limited counter space for my laptop, or print the recipe. Now I don't use ink or paper, N8's delicate little footprint takes up almost no room, and I can easily see the recipes. Plus, I can store my own favorite recipes!
Thirteenth, I no longer have to carry a Bible to church, or anywhere else. Not only do I have several Bible versions at my fingertips with N8, but also reference and study materials. I have the Word with me everywhere I go, easily accessible and compact! No WAY could I carry around the number of books for the same information that's in N8!
Fourteenth, he is my photo album. I have my photos with me at all times. No more pulling out a big stack of photos from my purse whenever I want to show off pictures of my grandson. Nope, just a couple of clicks and there he is in all his precious glory! I can now amuse friends and family alike with tons of pictures of my parrots and my dogs...and play background music for them at the same time!
I am sure there is more that I am forgetting, and I know that this is already quite long, but I did want to quickly mention N8's shortcomings. Yes, he has them, don't we all? I already mentioned that the camera isn't a great camera, but that's not really a shortcoming since it isn't intended to be. He's not a phone, but that's not really a shortcoming since he never claimed to be. He's a little slow getting his initial GPS fix, but not as slow as my husband's handheld GPS, and also some programs that use the GPS seem to find it faster than others. (Plus he finds a lot more satellites than my husband's unit does!)
Memory is probably a shortcoming, or was to me at first, but it's fixable so maybe that's not a shortcoming either. When I first got N8 he had a measly 256MB for loading programs. Having no experience with any form of Linux, and having to format his internal memory (no, it's not called a hard drive - something else I had to get used to), then partition, then clone...it took me 3 days to work it all out. (Hmmm, maybe "the learning curve" should be the biggest shortcoming?) OTOH, my husband, who recently purchased one for himself, did it in an hour or so. There is an app that is made for people like us to help us with the task, it worked well for my husband, so maybe it's me that has the shortcoming - lol.
There is definitely a learning curve. Still, most things are made really user-friendly, like the installation of programs from the maemo.org or Nokia sites. And there are wonderful tutorials at the Internet Tablet School on most things the casual users need to do. The maemo.org site has a wealth of information, more than anywhere else I've found, although there are pockets of information all over the place that can be unearthed with a good search engine.
Still, given that the screen is bright enough for my poor vision (the reason I can no longer drive) to read the small print - or I can enlarge it with the touch of a button...that he contains the web, email, chat clients, RSS feeds and other functions of the internet, VoIP phone, GPS, camera (basic though it is), mp3 player, photo album, video player, alarm clock, cookbook, TV (via Hava or streaming stations), calendar, games, note-taker, address book, palm apps...He's replaced, in many cases, my alarm clock, my stacks of magazines, the GPS unit, my cell phone, my Palm, my Zune, photo albums, an mp3 player, Bibles & reference materials, cookbooks, my laptop computer...
And there are many more things that I haven't even delved into yet, such a live streaming, running Android, hooking up memory sticks for almost limitless memory (I have the adapter and the USBControl app installed, just haven't done it yet), using him for geocaching, instant messaging, IRC...
Definitely, N8 has become a huge part of my daily life, and while I type "A Love Story" with tongue in cheek, it's not really all that far from the truth :).
First, he accesses the internet anyplace there is wifi - which is almost anyplace at all, anymore. I can check my email/write emails, go to my facebook or twitter pages, check my RSS feeds, do my blogging, grab podcasts, and nearly anything else that I do online with my laptop.
Second, and this is related to the first, I watch YouTube videos. There is a fantastic app called MyTube that will find videos on any given keyword, play them, or download them. I can watch praise and worship videos, lowcarb cooking demos, Tim Hawkins skits, or whatever else suits my fancy - or I can download them to watch later at my leisure - all with the same app! In fact, I've grabbed quite a few videos for my 4MO grandson to watch, and wherever we are if he gets fussy or bored, he can watch the Blooples (which he loves!) or Hillsong Kids.
Third, I can communicate. Not only via email, social sites, and chats, but also make phone calls. No, N8 is not a phone, but between Skype and Google Voice I can make calls to anybody I want to, whenever I'm on wifi (which is 90% of the time). And, with Google Voice, I can SMS to cell phones without paying for text messaging with my cell phone service!
Fourth - MUSIC! I can play any internet radio station, anytime I want music. (Current favorites: WBGL, SmileFM, or Northern Christian Radio.) I can play mp3's so it's like I have my CDs with me all the time.
Fifth, I listen to music on N8 (yes, he sings to me!) as I'm going to sleep at night and since he has an alarm clock, I have eliminated the clock-radio on my nightstand and freed up a lot of space - plus one less thing to dust!
Sixth, he imitates my Palm Pilot, which is one of the things I sold in order to buy him. Using the GarnetVM app, he looks and acts just like my Palm did! I've got the same games and apps that I use to love, even though I no longer have my Palm!
Seventh, he imitates my Zune, which is another of the things I sold in order to buy N8. My Zune contained photos, mp3's, and videos - now on N8. My Zune also played local FM radio stations - N8 plays an unlimited number of internet radio stations, including the locals ones I listed above!
Eighth, he keeps me from getting lost. The GPS is magnificent! I don't drive anymore, so I don't really get lost :) but I track where my husband is going, and save the routes so that we can get there again. All of my favorite spots are marked on the map. In our drives, if we find a spot we want to revisit, we can take a photo of it using the GPSCamera, and it not only saves the photo for a visual reference, but notes the coordinates as part of the jpg information file! Not only that, but his built-in compass keeps me from getting all turned around (as I often do)!
Ninth, and speaking of photos, he is a camera. This is, admittedly, his weakest area, if having quality photos is important to you. The camera is on the same side of the screen, as he was built for video conferencing. I didn't buy him with any illusions that he would replace my digital camera; therefore I wasn't disappointed. However, it definitely comes in handy as mentioned above, or if I just want to snap a quick photo of something when my digital camera isn't around, or need a quick pic for whatever reason. And I have discovered that it isn't a big deal that I can't see what I'm shooting easily...with a little practice I've developed decent aim.
Tenth: He saves me money. LOTS of it. I used to read magazines a lot, and would purchase at least 3 every week. Now I read blogs or comics or articles or eBooks or whatever online in all the places and at all the times I used to read the magazines. Also, he saves me cell phone minutes. Making the calls I used to make (and receive) on my cell phone is allowing me to change to a much cheaper plan. Just these 2 things are over $100/month!
Eleventh: He tells me the weather - crucial to my job - every morning when I get out of bed; it's right there on his face, I don't even have to go looking for it. And it's updated continually, so at a glance, all day every day, I know the forecasts.
Twelfth: He helps me in the kitchen - which also saves money! When I saw an online recipe I wanted to try, I could either make room on my limited counter space for my laptop, or print the recipe. Now I don't use ink or paper, N8's delicate little footprint takes up almost no room, and I can easily see the recipes. Plus, I can store my own favorite recipes!
Thirteenth, I no longer have to carry a Bible to church, or anywhere else. Not only do I have several Bible versions at my fingertips with N8, but also reference and study materials. I have the Word with me everywhere I go, easily accessible and compact! No WAY could I carry around the number of books for the same information that's in N8!
Fourteenth, he is my photo album. I have my photos with me at all times. No more pulling out a big stack of photos from my purse whenever I want to show off pictures of my grandson. Nope, just a couple of clicks and there he is in all his precious glory! I can now amuse friends and family alike with tons of pictures of my parrots and my dogs...and play background music for them at the same time!
I am sure there is more that I am forgetting, and I know that this is already quite long, but I did want to quickly mention N8's shortcomings. Yes, he has them, don't we all? I already mentioned that the camera isn't a great camera, but that's not really a shortcoming since it isn't intended to be. He's not a phone, but that's not really a shortcoming since he never claimed to be. He's a little slow getting his initial GPS fix, but not as slow as my husband's handheld GPS, and also some programs that use the GPS seem to find it faster than others. (Plus he finds a lot more satellites than my husband's unit does!)
Memory is probably a shortcoming, or was to me at first, but it's fixable so maybe that's not a shortcoming either. When I first got N8 he had a measly 256MB for loading programs. Having no experience with any form of Linux, and having to format his internal memory (no, it's not called a hard drive - something else I had to get used to), then partition, then clone...it took me 3 days to work it all out. (Hmmm, maybe "the learning curve" should be the biggest shortcoming?) OTOH, my husband, who recently purchased one for himself, did it in an hour or so. There is an app that is made for people like us to help us with the task, it worked well for my husband, so maybe it's me that has the shortcoming - lol.
There is definitely a learning curve. Still, most things are made really user-friendly, like the installation of programs from the maemo.org or Nokia sites. And there are wonderful tutorials at the Internet Tablet School on most things the casual users need to do. The maemo.org site has a wealth of information, more than anywhere else I've found, although there are pockets of information all over the place that can be unearthed with a good search engine.
Still, given that the screen is bright enough for my poor vision (the reason I can no longer drive) to read the small print - or I can enlarge it with the touch of a button...that he contains the web, email, chat clients, RSS feeds and other functions of the internet, VoIP phone, GPS, camera (basic though it is), mp3 player, photo album, video player, alarm clock, cookbook, TV (via Hava or streaming stations), calendar, games, note-taker, address book, palm apps...He's replaced, in many cases, my alarm clock, my stacks of magazines, the GPS unit, my cell phone, my Palm, my Zune, photo albums, an mp3 player, Bibles & reference materials, cookbooks, my laptop computer...
And there are many more things that I haven't even delved into yet, such a live streaming, running Android, hooking up memory sticks for almost limitless memory (I have the adapter and the USBControl app installed, just haven't done it yet), using him for geocaching, instant messaging, IRC...
Definitely, N8 has become a huge part of my daily life, and while I type "A Love Story" with tongue in cheek, it's not really all that far from the truth :).
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Sheila's Wifey Wednesday
Today's blog entry was one of my favorites.
There are some of us who wear Past Marriage lenses. Having an intimate relationship with an assumed-to-be lifelong husband carves special places in our hearts. When that relationship ends, for whatever reason, those places don't just disappear, but remain a part of us. Then, when another marriage happens in the future, there is another husband vying for that same space - the "marriage space" I think of it - in our hearts.
The main effect of this is that we tend to expect that our husband will conform to the same space left behind, and act upon that expectation, then are confused, hurt, or even angry when he doesn't behave as we expected.
I compare these carved out spaces in our hearts to rivulets of water, running down the beach after a hard rain. The first relationship has tunneled out areas in the sand, and during a subsequent rain, we fully expect to see the water run through the same carved out places. But, while it may share some of those spaces, it also carves out new paths. And in the end, we have more special places in our hearts; with time, perhaps so many more that the old ones are rarely used anymore.
As second-time wives, I think we need to be focusing on these new spaces, rather than expecting the rain to always and only use the ones left from before. We need to ask God to help us give us a fresh eye to see the differences, and to appreciate them, to take off the lenses from the past and see our husbands as they are, not as another had been.
There are some of us who wear Past Marriage lenses. Having an intimate relationship with an assumed-to-be lifelong husband carves special places in our hearts. When that relationship ends, for whatever reason, those places don't just disappear, but remain a part of us. Then, when another marriage happens in the future, there is another husband vying for that same space - the "marriage space" I think of it - in our hearts.
The main effect of this is that we tend to expect that our husband will conform to the same space left behind, and act upon that expectation, then are confused, hurt, or even angry when he doesn't behave as we expected.
I compare these carved out spaces in our hearts to rivulets of water, running down the beach after a hard rain. The first relationship has tunneled out areas in the sand, and during a subsequent rain, we fully expect to see the water run through the same carved out places. But, while it may share some of those spaces, it also carves out new paths. And in the end, we have more special places in our hearts; with time, perhaps so many more that the old ones are rarely used anymore.
As second-time wives, I think we need to be focusing on these new spaces, rather than expecting the rain to always and only use the ones left from before. We need to ask God to help us give us a fresh eye to see the differences, and to appreciate them, to take off the lenses from the past and see our husbands as they are, not as another had been.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Bruce the Cat
I've had Bruce for 15 years. He came to us at the age of 7 months with the name Keith - dumb name for a cat, so I changed it - and was supposed to be my daughter's cat. She was 3 at the time, and their love was mutual. He put up with more from her than even *I* would. He's always had his claws, but never used them on a person.
Bruce has been with me through 3 husbands, and lived in 6 houses with us. He's travelled throughout the southern and eastern United States in my minivan, and stayed in countless hotels. He's been gentle, mannerly, sweet, and affectionate - unless someone tries to kiss him. Then all bets are off.
Friday and Saturday hubby and I were out of town, and my 18YO daughter was caring for the animals. She didn't notice anything amiss with Bruce, but he is older and does sleep alot. Saturday evening we arrived home and he was in his box (with his pillow and blanket, up on a dresser in the bathroom away from the dogs) as he often is these days. But by Sunday we noticed something was very wrong with him. VERY wrong.
Hubby woke up to a pile of undigested cat food, and a half-dozen puddles of foamy yellow vomit. And it didn't stop. All day he would vomit until it was just drops of clear liquid...
He couldn't jump onto his dresser. In fact, he didn't want to move at all. When we touched him, or even spoke to him, he cried - a pitiful, heart-rending cry. He growled at me for the first time in his life. He spent the day hiding in corners, his movements slow and labored. His hair didn't lay right. He kept his ears at half mast. He couldn't stand light, or touch, or sound.
To my eyes, he was a dying cat.
Yet, most of the day he didn't seem to be in pain or suffering, unless disturbed. He slept quietly, his breathing even and slow. I fully expected that he would simply not wake up at some point. Because he wasn't in horrible pain except when disturbed, I elected to wait until Monday to take him to the vet, since I would be able to watch him all day on Sunday, and could rush him if I needed to. I wanted to avoid the jostling and agony of a car ride and exam...
Monday I started work at 9:00. No change in Bruce. I work at home, taking calls for a pest control company, from 9-5:00. Bruce still was comfortable when left alone, so I decided to see what the day would hold. I opened a can of tuna, well aware that the majority of cats who stop eating never start again. He lapped the water from the top of the meat. That, to me, was a very slight sign of hope.
By Monday evening though, I knew that I was losing my precious cat. There was no change, and his misery when he moved was just as awful as it had been all along. I called a local vet, ready to have him put out of his misery, realizing he was an old cat, and it was just his time...
However the vet had a meeting and couldn't help me until later. In addition, the cost was more than I had at the time, so I knew I'd have to wait until this morning. I know not to give pain relievers to cats, but my sister suggested perhaps benedryl; if nothing else, it might help him sleep through the night. So I gave him half of a pill...
During the night I got up to check on Bruce. When I came out of my bedroom, he was sitting in the hallway - his usual night-time spot to keep watch on the goings-on in the house - as he always had. I said, "Well hello, Bruce!" and he answered with his normal greeting. I bent down to touch him, and he didn't cry out. I talked to him for a few minutes, then went back to bed.
When I got up this morning he was walking around. Slowly, but walking around just the same. I heard him use his litter box. He dug into a can of tuna. He looked into our eyes, holding his head up high, and talked to us. His fur and ears looked normal again. I sent hubby to the store for canned cat food, and we gave him a Tbsp every hour or so, so that he wouldn't start vomiting again. After a couple of feedings he was walking around the house. A little slow, but walking around. When we spoke to him, he spoke back. He didn't mind being touched, or even picked up. He voraciously ate his offerings of canned cat food. An hour or so ago, he rubbed against my leg when I went into his bathroom.
So what happened to Bruce? We have our guesses...
We live in a heavily-treed, woodsy area in northern lower Michigan. Typically I have the house treated outside every spring for wasps, spiders, and earwigs, especially since I've had 2 spiders bites that sent me to the ER - we have some of the nastiest spiders I've ever seen. But this year, we wanted to try and save our lovely dragonflies that seem to also disappear after treatment, so we didn't have it done. This morning my husband killed 2 spiders in the house.
Bruce has always been strictly a house cat. But he's still a cat, and hunting is still instinctive. We now think that he hunted a spider, probably the same kind that caused such a horrible reaction in me. And we think he got bitten, or ate, one of these nasty spiders. And that is why, after a dose of Benedryl, he perked up. We're only guessing...
We will never know for sure what happened to Bruce, but we are SO SO SO thankful to have our Brucie-boy back!
Bruce has been with me through 3 husbands, and lived in 6 houses with us. He's travelled throughout the southern and eastern United States in my minivan, and stayed in countless hotels. He's been gentle, mannerly, sweet, and affectionate - unless someone tries to kiss him. Then all bets are off.
Friday and Saturday hubby and I were out of town, and my 18YO daughter was caring for the animals. She didn't notice anything amiss with Bruce, but he is older and does sleep alot. Saturday evening we arrived home and he was in his box (with his pillow and blanket, up on a dresser in the bathroom away from the dogs) as he often is these days. But by Sunday we noticed something was very wrong with him. VERY wrong.
Hubby woke up to a pile of undigested cat food, and a half-dozen puddles of foamy yellow vomit. And it didn't stop. All day he would vomit until it was just drops of clear liquid...
He couldn't jump onto his dresser. In fact, he didn't want to move at all. When we touched him, or even spoke to him, he cried - a pitiful, heart-rending cry. He growled at me for the first time in his life. He spent the day hiding in corners, his movements slow and labored. His hair didn't lay right. He kept his ears at half mast. He couldn't stand light, or touch, or sound.
To my eyes, he was a dying cat.
Yet, most of the day he didn't seem to be in pain or suffering, unless disturbed. He slept quietly, his breathing even and slow. I fully expected that he would simply not wake up at some point. Because he wasn't in horrible pain except when disturbed, I elected to wait until Monday to take him to the vet, since I would be able to watch him all day on Sunday, and could rush him if I needed to. I wanted to avoid the jostling and agony of a car ride and exam...
Monday I started work at 9:00. No change in Bruce. I work at home, taking calls for a pest control company, from 9-5:00. Bruce still was comfortable when left alone, so I decided to see what the day would hold. I opened a can of tuna, well aware that the majority of cats who stop eating never start again. He lapped the water from the top of the meat. That, to me, was a very slight sign of hope.
By Monday evening though, I knew that I was losing my precious cat. There was no change, and his misery when he moved was just as awful as it had been all along. I called a local vet, ready to have him put out of his misery, realizing he was an old cat, and it was just his time...
However the vet had a meeting and couldn't help me until later. In addition, the cost was more than I had at the time, so I knew I'd have to wait until this morning. I know not to give pain relievers to cats, but my sister suggested perhaps benedryl; if nothing else, it might help him sleep through the night. So I gave him half of a pill...
During the night I got up to check on Bruce. When I came out of my bedroom, he was sitting in the hallway - his usual night-time spot to keep watch on the goings-on in the house - as he always had. I said, "Well hello, Bruce!" and he answered with his normal greeting. I bent down to touch him, and he didn't cry out. I talked to him for a few minutes, then went back to bed.
When I got up this morning he was walking around. Slowly, but walking around just the same. I heard him use his litter box. He dug into a can of tuna. He looked into our eyes, holding his head up high, and talked to us. His fur and ears looked normal again. I sent hubby to the store for canned cat food, and we gave him a Tbsp every hour or so, so that he wouldn't start vomiting again. After a couple of feedings he was walking around the house. A little slow, but walking around. When we spoke to him, he spoke back. He didn't mind being touched, or even picked up. He voraciously ate his offerings of canned cat food. An hour or so ago, he rubbed against my leg when I went into his bathroom.
So what happened to Bruce? We have our guesses...
We live in a heavily-treed, woodsy area in northern lower Michigan. Typically I have the house treated outside every spring for wasps, spiders, and earwigs, especially since I've had 2 spiders bites that sent me to the ER - we have some of the nastiest spiders I've ever seen. But this year, we wanted to try and save our lovely dragonflies that seem to also disappear after treatment, so we didn't have it done. This morning my husband killed 2 spiders in the house.
Bruce has always been strictly a house cat. But he's still a cat, and hunting is still instinctive. We now think that he hunted a spider, probably the same kind that caused such a horrible reaction in me. And we think he got bitten, or ate, one of these nasty spiders. And that is why, after a dose of Benedryl, he perked up. We're only guessing...
We will never know for sure what happened to Bruce, but we are SO SO SO thankful to have our Brucie-boy back!
Monday, June 22, 2009
In An Ideal World...
...tonight Jon & Kate would make the following shocking announcement:
"We took vows - not once, but twice - to remain married and faithful until we are parted by death. With the birth of each child that God gave us, those vows were burned more deeply into our souls. Last year, as we celebrated our 9th anniversay by renewing our vows in Hawaii, we not only promised our children, but America's children, that marriage vows are serious, and ours are unbreakable. We promised those 8 little faces that their security in our family and their confidence in us is worthy of their trust. And we shared it with millions of witnesses, our friends, and our family as we allowed our vows to be televised.
"We realize that, all over this country, parents reassure their children that their families will not be shredded by divorce. We understand that our show was entrusted to us by the God that we have served. And we take that very very seriously. Were our family to break up after the promises that we made to our children, every child in America that believed us also had reason to believe that they could have faith and trust in their own parents when they told them the same thing, and could sleep contentedly at night, their innocent faith in family secure.
"So we are here to announce that our children, our vows to each other and to God, and our promises to our children are more important than the money, the lifestyle, and the fame. Our word is worth more than airtime and celebrity status. Indeed, it is what our family is based upon. Nor can we, in good conscience, allow the children who heard the same words from their own parents that they heard from us, have their confidence shattered by believing that their parents' words aren't true - any more than ours would be if we were to separate.
"We are breaking our contract with TLC. This lifestyle has changed us. We can no longer relate as a family, or live as one, under the current conditions. We are seeking peace, privacy, counselling, and prayer so that we can allow the Lord to bring us back to what is important, and continue to be a positive influence on our fans rather than letting them down. Our vows before God will stand forever; our contract with a network that profits from us is but the blink of an eye. And our children's trust in their parents to always do what is right rather than what is easier will be a lifelong lesson that they can depend on.
"We thank you for your prayers and support during this time. Please follow Kate's blog for updates on how our family is doing."
"We took vows - not once, but twice - to remain married and faithful until we are parted by death. With the birth of each child that God gave us, those vows were burned more deeply into our souls. Last year, as we celebrated our 9th anniversay by renewing our vows in Hawaii, we not only promised our children, but America's children, that marriage vows are serious, and ours are unbreakable. We promised those 8 little faces that their security in our family and their confidence in us is worthy of their trust. And we shared it with millions of witnesses, our friends, and our family as we allowed our vows to be televised.
"We realize that, all over this country, parents reassure their children that their families will not be shredded by divorce. We understand that our show was entrusted to us by the God that we have served. And we take that very very seriously. Were our family to break up after the promises that we made to our children, every child in America that believed us also had reason to believe that they could have faith and trust in their own parents when they told them the same thing, and could sleep contentedly at night, their innocent faith in family secure.
"So we are here to announce that our children, our vows to each other and to God, and our promises to our children are more important than the money, the lifestyle, and the fame. Our word is worth more than airtime and celebrity status. Indeed, it is what our family is based upon. Nor can we, in good conscience, allow the children who heard the same words from their own parents that they heard from us, have their confidence shattered by believing that their parents' words aren't true - any more than ours would be if we were to separate.
"We are breaking our contract with TLC. This lifestyle has changed us. We can no longer relate as a family, or live as one, under the current conditions. We are seeking peace, privacy, counselling, and prayer so that we can allow the Lord to bring us back to what is important, and continue to be a positive influence on our fans rather than letting them down. Our vows before God will stand forever; our contract with a network that profits from us is but the blink of an eye. And our children's trust in their parents to always do what is right rather than what is easier will be a lifelong lesson that they can depend on.
"We thank you for your prayers and support during this time. Please follow Kate's blog for updates on how our family is doing."
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
What Low Carb Eating Is - and What It Isn't
I'm seeing lots of misconceptions around the 'net about what low carb eating is, and what it isn't. Even within the variations of different plans, there are certain physiological truths that simply don't change.
First and foremost: There are lots of people who say, "Low carb didn't work for me" or "I did Atkins once but I gained all the weight back." To which I say: If you think you "did Atkins" then you didn't. Because Atkins is a lifelong plan. There is no "did" there is only "doing" and if you aren't "doing" it then you didn't do it - so you can't blame a plan you didn't follow when you gain back your weight. To whose who say "low carb didn't work for me", I ask the following questions: Which plan did you use - was it truly low carb or a "bandwagon" plan? Were you 100% faithful to the instructions? Did you cheat even a little? Did you lose weight and then gain it back again, so you consider the plan is what failed? Did you try a different low carb plan that maintains the tenets of true low carb eating but in a slightly different way? I understand that every low carb doesn't work for every body but before you blame the way of eating (WOE), make sure it was followed, 100%, perfectly, all the time. A car won't run if you do everything right, except decide that it won't hurt, just this once, if you don't fill the gas tank. You can't blame the car for not working then, can you?
Second. If you are doing low carb - properly doing low carb - you don't need to do low fat. In fact, you SHOULDN'T avoid fats, for several reasons:
(a) Your body needs energy at the ready and can get this quick energy for its functions from either fats, or from carbs. Protein needs to go through processes (which themselves use energy) to be utilized. If you are robbing your body of both of the "quick" energy sources it needs, you can really mess yourself up.
(b) Omitting both fats and carbs from your diet means you will have a much lower caloric intake. That's good, right? WRONG! We all know that when you lower your caloric intake you will send your body into "starvation mode" where your metabolism slows, you burn even fewer calories, and weight loss becomes increasingly difficult. If you eat fats, you keep that from happening.
(c) Your liver needs fat to burn fat. If you're expecting to burn off body fat without stoking it, you will be sorely disappointed.
Low carb eating causes certain physiological and chemical changes which is what makes it so excellent for weight loss, blood sugar control, blood pressure control, better blood lipid levels (HDL/LDL/triglycerides/cholesterol levels/etc. on your reports), and resolution of numerous other health issues. If you are eating carby foods - sugary fruits, pastas, grains, etc. - then you are preventing these changes that are the key to success. Your choice of course...but don't call it low carb eating and then claim that low carb failed you when it didn't work.
And a few general comments:
1 - Forget what you think you know about weight loss, what you've read and heard over the years about counting calories, how bad fat is, that you have to go hungry, etc. That isn't low carb advice, and people following it for the last few decades is why 95% of diets fail, and our population is getting fatter. Forget all of it, it doesn't apply to low carb eating.
2 - If you're not following a low carb WOE, don't tell people you are. If you claim low carb, yet eat sugar-laden (even natural sugars!) or grain-based foods for energy, then you're not doing low carb.
3 - Remember that the key to low carb eating is in keeping your carb intake low - hence the name of the plan. Not keeping your calories low, not keeping your fat intake low - it's about the carbs. Don't thwart the plan; it works when it's followed.
4 - You will fail if you don't give your body what it needs. It doesn't need all those carbs. It needs fat, it needs protein. If you don't provide fats and proteins (in that order), it will soon demand them, and you will fail. This isn't an opinion.
MOST IMPORTANTLY, if you are "dieting" to lose weight, and then go back to eating the way that made you fat in the first place, you will get fat again. It's simple. Follow an actual low carb plan. Don't deprive your body of the fats and protein it needs. Get your carbs from vegetables (not the starchy ones!). Eat until you're satisfied. Don't let yourself get so hungry you'll eat anything you can lay your hands on. Don't stuff yourself. Don't go cheat on your low carb plan, and don't go back to your old ways of eating. If you are following a low carb WOE faithfully, and if you are allowing your body to change how it gets its energy (from body fat instead of carbs), you will be successful, you will be healthy, and you will not have to say, "Low carb doesn't work."
First and foremost: There are lots of people who say, "Low carb didn't work for me" or "I did Atkins once but I gained all the weight back." To which I say: If you think you "did Atkins" then you didn't. Because Atkins is a lifelong plan. There is no "did" there is only "doing" and if you aren't "doing" it then you didn't do it - so you can't blame a plan you didn't follow when you gain back your weight. To whose who say "low carb didn't work for me", I ask the following questions: Which plan did you use - was it truly low carb or a "bandwagon" plan? Were you 100% faithful to the instructions? Did you cheat even a little? Did you lose weight and then gain it back again, so you consider the plan is what failed? Did you try a different low carb plan that maintains the tenets of true low carb eating but in a slightly different way? I understand that every low carb doesn't work for every body but before you blame the way of eating (WOE), make sure it was followed, 100%, perfectly, all the time. A car won't run if you do everything right, except decide that it won't hurt, just this once, if you don't fill the gas tank. You can't blame the car for not working then, can you?
Second. If you are doing low carb - properly doing low carb - you don't need to do low fat. In fact, you SHOULDN'T avoid fats, for several reasons:
(a) Your body needs energy at the ready and can get this quick energy for its functions from either fats, or from carbs. Protein needs to go through processes (which themselves use energy) to be utilized. If you are robbing your body of both of the "quick" energy sources it needs, you can really mess yourself up.
(b) Omitting both fats and carbs from your diet means you will have a much lower caloric intake. That's good, right? WRONG! We all know that when you lower your caloric intake you will send your body into "starvation mode" where your metabolism slows, you burn even fewer calories, and weight loss becomes increasingly difficult. If you eat fats, you keep that from happening.
(c) Your liver needs fat to burn fat. If you're expecting to burn off body fat without stoking it, you will be sorely disappointed.
Low carb eating causes certain physiological and chemical changes which is what makes it so excellent for weight loss, blood sugar control, blood pressure control, better blood lipid levels (HDL/LDL/triglycerides/cholesterol levels/etc. on your reports), and resolution of numerous other health issues. If you are eating carby foods - sugary fruits, pastas, grains, etc. - then you are preventing these changes that are the key to success. Your choice of course...but don't call it low carb eating and then claim that low carb failed you when it didn't work.
And a few general comments:
1 - Forget what you think you know about weight loss, what you've read and heard over the years about counting calories, how bad fat is, that you have to go hungry, etc. That isn't low carb advice, and people following it for the last few decades is why 95% of diets fail, and our population is getting fatter. Forget all of it, it doesn't apply to low carb eating.
2 - If you're not following a low carb WOE, don't tell people you are. If you claim low carb, yet eat sugar-laden (even natural sugars!) or grain-based foods for energy, then you're not doing low carb.
3 - Remember that the key to low carb eating is in keeping your carb intake low - hence the name of the plan. Not keeping your calories low, not keeping your fat intake low - it's about the carbs. Don't thwart the plan; it works when it's followed.
4 - You will fail if you don't give your body what it needs. It doesn't need all those carbs. It needs fat, it needs protein. If you don't provide fats and proteins (in that order), it will soon demand them, and you will fail. This isn't an opinion.
MOST IMPORTANTLY, if you are "dieting" to lose weight, and then go back to eating the way that made you fat in the first place, you will get fat again. It's simple. Follow an actual low carb plan. Don't deprive your body of the fats and protein it needs. Get your carbs from vegetables (not the starchy ones!). Eat until you're satisfied. Don't let yourself get so hungry you'll eat anything you can lay your hands on. Don't stuff yourself. Don't go cheat on your low carb plan, and don't go back to your old ways of eating. If you are following a low carb WOE faithfully, and if you are allowing your body to change how it gets its energy (from body fat instead of carbs), you will be successful, you will be healthy, and you will not have to say, "Low carb doesn't work."
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
It Is Finished
Today I shipped the last of my orders from Itty Bitty Birdie Bites. All that's left is the inventory, changing the index page on my website, and a good cry. 8 years ago it was a germ of an idea, cheered on by bird-owning friends and acquaintances on the 'net, enthusiastic about the possibilities after offering my gourmet bird food-treats to their own birds.
It started in my kitchen after lots of prayer, just something to do while my husband worked nights, to kill at least a couple of lonely evenings each week. Before long, it was "killing" every lonely night, then the days. I added more products, each as well received as the ones before it, until I had more than a dozen. After a few short years I outgrew my space, and spent the next year planning the perfect custom kitchen in which to produce my creations.
Selling my home and moving my family to a more suitable home where I could build my "shop" as it came to be called, Itty Bitty Birdie Bites continued to grow and add products. By now I was selling through quality online vendors across the US, from Alaska to Florida and from Arizona to Virginia, plus Canada. I was shipping internationally on a regular basis. My lovely "shop" became my second home where I sometimes worked all day and half the night. It was my happy place, as my friend Roxanne noted.
Things were changing though. I developed arthritis in my spine which made the bending, lifting, and twisting painful...but not painful enough for me to give it up. No, I planned to continue making my food-treats forever. I gradually lost sight in one eye, totally skewing my depth perception which caused numerous cuts and burns to myself, as well as misjudging distances that left my expensive organic ingredients as well as the result of my hard work on the floor, and me in tears...
Then last fall something happened in my head. It looked like a stroke, acted like a stroke, and left me with a different brain and different abilities than I'd had before; those close to me see me as a different person than I was before. Doctors called it a "cerebrovascular event" (as opposed to a cerebrovascular accident - a true stroke) and told me that I'd be back to normal within 6 months. Meanwhile, I struggled with any processes involving math, analysis, organization, and multitasking - the very things required to do what I did. Added to my spinal pain and loss of vision, it became impossible to get through day-to-day operations, to do the things that previously I could have done in my sleep, let alone manage accounting and inventory. Mistakes and injuries became daily occurances...
In short, I had to accept the fact that I was no longer the same person I'd been in 2001, and I no longer had the abilities required to continue my dream. And so, as of May 31st, my doors are closed. I grieve when I go into my shop now, it's no longer my happy place because there are no dreams left there. I'm continuing one of my products only, until a friend can take it over - something that doesn't require cooking or cutting, and hopefully I can still do. I've already accepted that even this one product isn't mine anymore.
As a Christian, from the first I acknowledged God's leading in everything, and numerous - no, constant - acts of God as He guided me and I followed His lead. I never could have done this myself, and it has been my way to serve Him and, through my dealings with others, shine His light. I know that He's not going to let it all end here, that He has something else in His plans for my life and will reveal it in His time. And I will embrace the opportunity to serve the Savior I love so deeply. For now, I think He's giving me time to grieve, enveloped in His loving arms...
It started in my kitchen after lots of prayer, just something to do while my husband worked nights, to kill at least a couple of lonely evenings each week. Before long, it was "killing" every lonely night, then the days. I added more products, each as well received as the ones before it, until I had more than a dozen. After a few short years I outgrew my space, and spent the next year planning the perfect custom kitchen in which to produce my creations.
Selling my home and moving my family to a more suitable home where I could build my "shop" as it came to be called, Itty Bitty Birdie Bites continued to grow and add products. By now I was selling through quality online vendors across the US, from Alaska to Florida and from Arizona to Virginia, plus Canada. I was shipping internationally on a regular basis. My lovely "shop" became my second home where I sometimes worked all day and half the night. It was my happy place, as my friend Roxanne noted.
Things were changing though. I developed arthritis in my spine which made the bending, lifting, and twisting painful...but not painful enough for me to give it up. No, I planned to continue making my food-treats forever. I gradually lost sight in one eye, totally skewing my depth perception which caused numerous cuts and burns to myself, as well as misjudging distances that left my expensive organic ingredients as well as the result of my hard work on the floor, and me in tears...
Then last fall something happened in my head. It looked like a stroke, acted like a stroke, and left me with a different brain and different abilities than I'd had before; those close to me see me as a different person than I was before. Doctors called it a "cerebrovascular event" (as opposed to a cerebrovascular accident - a true stroke) and told me that I'd be back to normal within 6 months. Meanwhile, I struggled with any processes involving math, analysis, organization, and multitasking - the very things required to do what I did. Added to my spinal pain and loss of vision, it became impossible to get through day-to-day operations, to do the things that previously I could have done in my sleep, let alone manage accounting and inventory. Mistakes and injuries became daily occurances...
In short, I had to accept the fact that I was no longer the same person I'd been in 2001, and I no longer had the abilities required to continue my dream. And so, as of May 31st, my doors are closed. I grieve when I go into my shop now, it's no longer my happy place because there are no dreams left there. I'm continuing one of my products only, until a friend can take it over - something that doesn't require cooking or cutting, and hopefully I can still do. I've already accepted that even this one product isn't mine anymore.
As a Christian, from the first I acknowledged God's leading in everything, and numerous - no, constant - acts of God as He guided me and I followed His lead. I never could have done this myself, and it has been my way to serve Him and, through my dealings with others, shine His light. I know that He's not going to let it all end here, that He has something else in His plans for my life and will reveal it in His time. And I will embrace the opportunity to serve the Savior I love so deeply. For now, I think He's giving me time to grieve, enveloped in His loving arms...
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Jon & Kate Plus 8 - Everybody Has an Opinion!
This is the first thing I want to say: Nobody - NOBODY - knows what is going on inside of Jon & Kate's marriage except Jon & Kate. They are the only ones who can make choices regarding their marriage or their family.
Like everyone else, however, I have some thoughts about what I've read and seen. Much of it may be propaganda put out by TLC for the sake of ratings (read: $$$$$). Everything we see on TV, or read in the media, or hear has some sort of a spin.
And so, given the less-than-reliable information that I have, here are some thoughts.
Jon wants freedom from his responsibilities. Kate believes she is thriving in the limelight. Jon doesn't want to work at home. Kate wanted him at home. Jon can't live with the limelight. Kate loves the travelling and schmoozing. Jon talks about what he wants/needs...Kate talks about what she wants/needs...last night there was a whole lot of "me" talk and no "we" talk.
Someone tweeted last night, "If you knew that what you're doing was making your spouse miserable, would you continue to do it?" (my paraphrase) That's it in a nutshell. A marriage that is about "I want/need" is a marriage doomed to failure. A marriage where what is important to one spouse is ignored or ridiculed by the other hasn't a chance. A marriage where each - or even one - partner is out for self above other can't survive.
Marriage isn't 50-50. Marriage is 100-100. Each partner giving 100% to the other, looking out for the interests and good of the other, 100% of the time. In a Christian marriage, a husband is to be willing to give up everything, even his life, for his wife, while his wife is to submit to the authority of her husband as her husband in turns submits to the authority of Christ. When the divine commandments for a godly marriage, as outlined clearly in the Word, aren't heeded, a marriage can't be a Christian marriage. It can be a marriage of course, but not a godly one.
That the Gosselins have proclaimed their faith in public so frequently over the years and then have just as publicly failed to live by the Word is heavy on my heart. I don't judge them for it, I can't as I have also failed - just not as publicly. Every Christian has failed in some area of life - and usually in many. If we didn't have such fallible self-will, there would have been no need for a Savior. That the Gosselins have shown their fallibility in such a public way, and that the media wolves (including TLC) have gleefully circled them in their personal pain and failures is worse than any mistake that either Jon or Kate has made. To watch a fragile marriage struggle so painfully, and to know that what you are doing is contributing to the potential breakup of a family, yet still continue for the sake of money...shame on you! And to those who demand that the intimate details of private lives be made public, sending the media wolves in for the kill...shame on you!
I pray daily for them. They are real people, and a real couple, struggling against huge odds. But the odds are but a speck of dust to a God who is all-powerful and who can heal marriages and families. To make a choice to turn to Him, and to put each other before the lifestyle, the money, the glamor, the fame, the parties, or anything else...to support the other to become a better parent and a better person...to live a life of sacrifice for the sake of one's vows and responsibilities and spouse and children - and for nobody else...those are the things that we all need to live, every day.
I've been asked what would I do if I were in the Gosselins' situation? It has absolutely no bearing on anything, but if my marriage - and therefore my children's well-being and future security and trust and values - were in peril I would do anything to save it. I would take my family out of the public eye, take my show off the air, put us back into humble accomodations where our reliance is on God and on each other, and where we could be just a family, and not a phenomenon. That's what I say now, not walking in their shoes. Maybe I would find that the lure of money and fame and parties and servants would become more important to me than my vows or my commitments or my love for Christ, and I, too, would rationalize my actions to try and make them sound acceptable. (I always taught my daughter one simple fact: if you find yourself trying to make a choice sound like it's the right one, that's your on-target, 100% accurate clue that it is the wrong choice.) But none of us really knows what we'd do in another's shoes, do we.
And nobody can know...except Jon & Kate.
Like everyone else, however, I have some thoughts about what I've read and seen. Much of it may be propaganda put out by TLC for the sake of ratings (read: $$$$$). Everything we see on TV, or read in the media, or hear has some sort of a spin.
And so, given the less-than-reliable information that I have, here are some thoughts.
Jon wants freedom from his responsibilities. Kate believes she is thriving in the limelight. Jon doesn't want to work at home. Kate wanted him at home. Jon can't live with the limelight. Kate loves the travelling and schmoozing. Jon talks about what he wants/needs...Kate talks about what she wants/needs...last night there was a whole lot of "me" talk and no "we" talk.
Someone tweeted last night, "If you knew that what you're doing was making your spouse miserable, would you continue to do it?" (my paraphrase) That's it in a nutshell. A marriage that is about "I want/need" is a marriage doomed to failure. A marriage where what is important to one spouse is ignored or ridiculed by the other hasn't a chance. A marriage where each - or even one - partner is out for self above other can't survive.
Marriage isn't 50-50. Marriage is 100-100. Each partner giving 100% to the other, looking out for the interests and good of the other, 100% of the time. In a Christian marriage, a husband is to be willing to give up everything, even his life, for his wife, while his wife is to submit to the authority of her husband as her husband in turns submits to the authority of Christ. When the divine commandments for a godly marriage, as outlined clearly in the Word, aren't heeded, a marriage can't be a Christian marriage. It can be a marriage of course, but not a godly one.
That the Gosselins have proclaimed their faith in public so frequently over the years and then have just as publicly failed to live by the Word is heavy on my heart. I don't judge them for it, I can't as I have also failed - just not as publicly. Every Christian has failed in some area of life - and usually in many. If we didn't have such fallible self-will, there would have been no need for a Savior. That the Gosselins have shown their fallibility in such a public way, and that the media wolves (including TLC) have gleefully circled them in their personal pain and failures is worse than any mistake that either Jon or Kate has made. To watch a fragile marriage struggle so painfully, and to know that what you are doing is contributing to the potential breakup of a family, yet still continue for the sake of money...shame on you! And to those who demand that the intimate details of private lives be made public, sending the media wolves in for the kill...shame on you!
I pray daily for them. They are real people, and a real couple, struggling against huge odds. But the odds are but a speck of dust to a God who is all-powerful and who can heal marriages and families. To make a choice to turn to Him, and to put each other before the lifestyle, the money, the glamor, the fame, the parties, or anything else...to support the other to become a better parent and a better person...to live a life of sacrifice for the sake of one's vows and responsibilities and spouse and children - and for nobody else...those are the things that we all need to live, every day.
I've been asked what would I do if I were in the Gosselins' situation? It has absolutely no bearing on anything, but if my marriage - and therefore my children's well-being and future security and trust and values - were in peril I would do anything to save it. I would take my family out of the public eye, take my show off the air, put us back into humble accomodations where our reliance is on God and on each other, and where we could be just a family, and not a phenomenon. That's what I say now, not walking in their shoes. Maybe I would find that the lure of money and fame and parties and servants would become more important to me than my vows or my commitments or my love for Christ, and I, too, would rationalize my actions to try and make them sound acceptable. (I always taught my daughter one simple fact: if you find yourself trying to make a choice sound like it's the right one, that's your on-target, 100% accurate clue that it is the wrong choice.) But none of us really knows what we'd do in another's shoes, do we.
And nobody can know...except Jon & Kate.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Life Changes
So many things have changed, and I need to accommodate them. Probably the most impacting are the changes in my brain from when I didn't have a stroke last fall. (Signs of stroke, changes in brain, but since it can't be seen with local imaging techniques the original diagnosis was downgraded to a cerebro-vascular incident, rather than accident, which is stroke.) All of that is old news, but after spending the last 8 months waiting to see if the brain changes would go away and I'd get my old brain back, then fighting them, I'm admitting defeat. I can't do the things I used to do. I've got a constant feeling of mental chaos that increases quickly under certain circumstances, making it impossible to think or act, and have lost mental math abilities, analytical abilities, and multi-tasking abilities - all of which had previously been my mental strong suits. I built a business with those abilities, and their use dictated my approach to life, and how I handled everyday tasks.
People tell me, "Well you seem ok to me!" or "Oh that happens to me all the time, don't worry about it!" or "It could have been worse, thank your lucky stars!" Even if I believed in "lucky stars", that doesn't help me to adapt. Whether I seem "ok" to others - especially those who don't spend a lot of time with me (my close family can see how different I am since that day) - is irrelevent. I know my old brain, and I know my new brain, and I know the difference.
Added to that is the blessing of my teenage daughter moving back home after being deserted by her husband a couple of weeks before their baby was due...the desertion and broken vows is a horrible thing for her, and in NO WAY a blessing. But that she's home again where she can heal with the love and support of her family is a blessing for all of us, to say nothing of her sweet precious baby who has brought joy and innocence to our home. But of course that is another major change, on top of the brain thing...a change that is impacting all of us on a huge level - not a bad level, just a huge one.
So I have to change. The business which I started building nearly 8 years ago, I can no longer run. With the visual perception issues as I lost sight in one eye in addition to the brain issues, I've found it impossible to function in almost any of my capacities: production, inventory/supply ordering, bookkeeping tasks, etc. I've managed to muddle through but the mistakes have been costly, and the physical injuries (burns and cuts mostly) are more than I'm willing to continue to inflict upon myself. I will soon be closing my business, as a result.
We've also changed churches, and found a smaller, quieter country-type church to attend and, hopefully, serve. While our former church was a great congregation, there were also pressures, and that's not something that I can handle anymore. Pressure and chaos around me are the 2 things that will start that mental paralysis (for lack of a better term...I don't mean to sound dramatic). It isn't that I don't want to serve or worship with my brothers and sisters in Christ; it is simply that I can't do so in the same big way that I previously did. But no worries there, God is still opening doors to opportunities for me! Just different ones.
I will also be making my escape place. Since I won't be using my shop to the degree that I have been since it was built for my business, I am dividing it. I will keep a smaller kitchen so that I can still make foods for my birds and maintain a small portion of my product line (only one product actually) temporarily on a very small scale. The rest of the shop will be torn down to make room for my keyboard and music and some comfortable furniture (will double as a guest room); it will be where I can escape and regroup when the activities of the house are too much and I start to scramble upstairs, and also where I can do my seasonal phone job without interruption or confusion. I may decide to put another television back here as well, so that any of us can use it as additional living space when I'm not occupying it myself.
All of these things impact my family as well - my husband most of all. He's had times where he's not sure what I've needed or how he can help me, and I can't tell him because I'm still figuring it out. He's had to put his own needs on hold to accomodate mine, which is usually the way of marriage in the same way that a ping pong ball can't be on both sides of the table at the same time. I'm ever-mindful of his sacrifices for me, and also my desire to do more for him and put him at the center of my thoughts instead of off to the side, my self-involvement with my own issues pushing him there. It doesn't come easily anymore, my struggles have taken energy that I'd rather devote to him and to our marriage...
Giving up my business and leaving our much-loved church are probably the 2 biggest changes I have been forced to make. Creating an escape/quiet place for myself is another that is a necessary but positive change. Taking the time to accomodate my "new normal" rather than fighting it - as I have been - is something I'm working on. Blessings continue to flow, as always, as I strive to honor Christ and serve God in all I do. He protected my ability to make music through this, and I will make more time for that. I'm in a position of having no choice about some things, but in the end it will all be good. I have to believe that, like finding my new normal, I will find a new contentment with life.
People tell me, "Well you seem ok to me!" or "Oh that happens to me all the time, don't worry about it!" or "It could have been worse, thank your lucky stars!" Even if I believed in "lucky stars", that doesn't help me to adapt. Whether I seem "ok" to others - especially those who don't spend a lot of time with me (my close family can see how different I am since that day) - is irrelevent. I know my old brain, and I know my new brain, and I know the difference.
Added to that is the blessing of my teenage daughter moving back home after being deserted by her husband a couple of weeks before their baby was due...the desertion and broken vows is a horrible thing for her, and in NO WAY a blessing. But that she's home again where she can heal with the love and support of her family is a blessing for all of us, to say nothing of her sweet precious baby who has brought joy and innocence to our home. But of course that is another major change, on top of the brain thing...a change that is impacting all of us on a huge level - not a bad level, just a huge one.
So I have to change. The business which I started building nearly 8 years ago, I can no longer run. With the visual perception issues as I lost sight in one eye in addition to the brain issues, I've found it impossible to function in almost any of my capacities: production, inventory/supply ordering, bookkeeping tasks, etc. I've managed to muddle through but the mistakes have been costly, and the physical injuries (burns and cuts mostly) are more than I'm willing to continue to inflict upon myself. I will soon be closing my business, as a result.
We've also changed churches, and found a smaller, quieter country-type church to attend and, hopefully, serve. While our former church was a great congregation, there were also pressures, and that's not something that I can handle anymore. Pressure and chaos around me are the 2 things that will start that mental paralysis (for lack of a better term...I don't mean to sound dramatic). It isn't that I don't want to serve or worship with my brothers and sisters in Christ; it is simply that I can't do so in the same big way that I previously did. But no worries there, God is still opening doors to opportunities for me! Just different ones.
I will also be making my escape place. Since I won't be using my shop to the degree that I have been since it was built for my business, I am dividing it. I will keep a smaller kitchen so that I can still make foods for my birds and maintain a small portion of my product line (only one product actually) temporarily on a very small scale. The rest of the shop will be torn down to make room for my keyboard and music and some comfortable furniture (will double as a guest room); it will be where I can escape and regroup when the activities of the house are too much and I start to scramble upstairs, and also where I can do my seasonal phone job without interruption or confusion. I may decide to put another television back here as well, so that any of us can use it as additional living space when I'm not occupying it myself.
All of these things impact my family as well - my husband most of all. He's had times where he's not sure what I've needed or how he can help me, and I can't tell him because I'm still figuring it out. He's had to put his own needs on hold to accomodate mine, which is usually the way of marriage in the same way that a ping pong ball can't be on both sides of the table at the same time. I'm ever-mindful of his sacrifices for me, and also my desire to do more for him and put him at the center of my thoughts instead of off to the side, my self-involvement with my own issues pushing him there. It doesn't come easily anymore, my struggles have taken energy that I'd rather devote to him and to our marriage...
Giving up my business and leaving our much-loved church are probably the 2 biggest changes I have been forced to make. Creating an escape/quiet place for myself is another that is a necessary but positive change. Taking the time to accomodate my "new normal" rather than fighting it - as I have been - is something I'm working on. Blessings continue to flow, as always, as I strive to honor Christ and serve God in all I do. He protected my ability to make music through this, and I will make more time for that. I'm in a position of having no choice about some things, but in the end it will all be good. I have to believe that, like finding my new normal, I will find a new contentment with life.
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