Jon & Kate Plus 8 - Everybody Has an Opinion!

This is the first thing I want to say: Nobody - NOBODY - knows what is going on inside of Jon & Kate's marriage except Jon & Kate. They are the only ones who can make choices regarding their marriage or their family.

Like everyone else, however, I have some thoughts about what I've read and seen. Much of it may be propaganda put out by TLC for the sake of ratings (read: $$$$$). Everything we see on TV, or read in the media, or hear has some sort of a spin.

And so, given the less-than-reliable information that I have, here are some thoughts.

Jon wants freedom from his responsibilities. Kate believes she is thriving in the limelight. Jon doesn't want to work at home. Kate wanted him at home. Jon can't live with the limelight. Kate loves the travelling and schmoozing. Jon talks about what he wants/needs...Kate talks about what she wants/needs...last night there was a whole lot of "me" talk and no "we" talk.

Someone tweeted last night, "If you knew that what you're doing was making your spouse miserable, would you continue to do it?" (my paraphrase) That's it in a nutshell. A marriage that is about "I want/need" is a marriage doomed to failure. A marriage where what is important to one spouse is ignored or ridiculed by the other hasn't a chance. A marriage where each - or even one - partner is out for self above other can't survive.

Marriage isn't 50-50. Marriage is 100-100. Each partner giving 100% to the other, looking out for the interests and good of the other, 100% of the time. In a Christian marriage, a husband is to be willing to give up everything, even his life, for his wife, while his wife is to submit to the authority of her husband as her husband in turns submits to the authority of Christ. When the divine commandments for a godly marriage, as outlined clearly in the Word, aren't heeded, a marriage can't be a Christian marriage. It can be a marriage of course, but not a godly one.

That the Gosselins have proclaimed their faith in public so frequently over the years and then have just as publicly failed to live by the Word is heavy on my heart. I don't judge them for it, I can't as I have also failed - just not as publicly. Every Christian has failed in some area of life - and usually in many. If we didn't have such fallible self-will, there would have been no need for a Savior. That the Gosselins have shown their fallibility in such a public way, and that the media wolves (including TLC) have gleefully circled them in their personal pain and failures is worse than any mistake that either Jon or Kate has made. To watch a fragile marriage struggle so painfully, and to know that what you are doing is contributing to the potential breakup of a family, yet still continue for the sake of money...shame on you! And to those who demand that the intimate details of private lives be made public, sending the media wolves in for the kill...shame on you!

I pray daily for them. They are real people, and a real couple, struggling against huge odds. But the odds are but a speck of dust to a God who is all-powerful and who can heal marriages and families. To make a choice to turn to Him, and to put each other before the lifestyle, the money, the glamor, the fame, the parties, or anything else...to support the other to become a better parent and a better person...to live a life of sacrifice for the sake of one's vows and responsibilities and spouse and children - and for nobody else...those are the things that we all need to live, every day.

I've been asked what would I do if I were in the Gosselins' situation? It has absolutely no bearing on anything, but if my marriage - and therefore my children's well-being and future security and trust and values - were in peril I would do anything to save it. I would take my family out of the public eye, take my show off the air, put us back into humble accomodations where our reliance is on God and on each other, and where we could be just a family, and not a phenomenon. That's what I say now, not walking in their shoes. Maybe I would find that the lure of money and fame and parties and servants would become more important to me than my vows or my commitments or my love for Christ, and I, too, would rationalize my actions to try and make them sound acceptable. (I always taught my daughter one simple fact: if you find yourself trying to make a choice sound like it's the right one, that's your on-target, 100% accurate clue that it is the wrong choice.) But none of us really knows what we'd do in another's shoes, do we.

And nobody can know...except Jon & Kate.