Saying Goodbye to a #Parrot....

It is a sad day for me, and a happy day for the young man who is so excited about his new bird - my bird Bey the Greyt, who will move to his new home later this evening.

Over the last few years, since my stroke, since my severe food poisoning and resulting gastroparesis, since losing so many abilities, and then regaining some of them, since becoming a grandmother...since so many things about my life - about who I am and where the remainder of my life is going (too much, too deep for a simple blog post) - my priorities and my passions have changed. I am altered in so many ways, and so much so, that I am not who I was 3 years ago.

Back to my sweet birds. I love them, just as much as I ever did. In fact I love them enough to realize that having a big huge flock of birds isn't my passion as it once was, when I ate, lived, and slept parrots, when my waking hours were all about my birds. My husband and I long ago decided not to take in any more birds (most of my flock were rehomed with me for various reasons and will never leave), and to let our flock dwindle in size naturally. I never have had any intention of rehoming any of them...

...meanwhile, though, I've been shortchanging my birds - and everything else - by trying to artificially maintain my passion. I obviously still care about them but not with the same passion as before. They are getting the short end of the stick, and I've realized that it is because there are so many. They don't get the amount of out-of-cage time they used to get, I don't cook or bake for them as much as I used to, I don't make toys as often as I did...they are just getting what I can spare for them anymore, if I were to be honest with myself. And it is tearing me up. I love them so much, as I've said, and there isn't enough of me to go around...

So when Casey's friend Michael - a wonderful young man who has house-bird-dog-cat-sat for us, who has a lot of experience with parrots - and passion - asked Casey to ask me to keep my eye open for an African Gray, I started considering the possibility. Maybe considering is too tame of a word - agonizing is more like it. Because whereas my passion has diminished and I've been unable to bring it back by my own will these last few years, my love for them has not. But Bey knows Michael, and I know without a doubt that Bey will be the avian apple of Michael's eye, and will be cared for and loved by a man with a passion for him. Yes there will be an adjustment period, and Bey will have to go through a period of missing us, and his flock...his new home will be much different than this one of course...but he will have a lot of one-on-one time with Michael, not split up his time with so many others. (Bey could only be out with one of the other birds, which restricted everybirdy's out-of-cage-play-with-mom time.) His human won't be dividing his time among many, leaving Bey with only a slice...as I am now...

No, I never planned - or wanted - to rehome any of my precious parrots. And I certainly won't - can't! - go through this again. Bey has perhaps been the neediest of my birds, but also one that has been closest to my heart these last 10 years. It is for this reason that I will request of Michael that, if at ANY time he can't keep Bey, or if things don't work out, or whatever, that he bring Bey back here. The last thing I want is for Bey to become a bird that goes from home to home to home...but it is my certainty that things WILL work out for Michael and Bey, and that Bey will be better off with Micahel than he is here, that led to this painful and heart-rending decision.

I have been crying on and off all day and feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest, I love Bey so much. But it is because I love him that I want so badly to see his needs met, to see him have a relationship with his human like he used to have with me, that I need to do this. Though I wouldn't have considered rehoming Bey if Michael hadn't made known his desire for a grey, if they didn't already know each other, if Michael wasn't the kind of person he is...and, after a period of adjustment, if I didn't believe that Bey will be so much better off...that I can even do this thing I never thought I would...or could...