Yesterday was maybe one of my best days ever, since this health issue started a couple of months ago...and today it just about my worst.
I woke up in pain with that big bulging area above my waist in full display, my legs painful and heavy (and even my hips, today - so hard to walk)...no appetite, upset stomach, pain all the way around my middle...I did everything "right" yesterday. Small lunch early afternoon. A couple of nibbles late afternoon (literally - like 3 bites) and that's all I ate. Didn't do anything physically stressful, as that increases my belly pain (and size!).
I hate to do it but will take a heavy-duty pain pill and hopefully get at least a little relief. I hate that my husband has to come home from a hard day at work to a wife that is all but useless or even worse, a burden...it is days like these that I really need to get my mind and heart focused on Christ, even though it is also days like these that that is the hardest thing to do. Living a life of praise is sometimes very very hard.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Videos at #Church
The last few weeks our pastor has been showing us George Otis, Jr's Transformations 
video, one "town" at a time for 4 weeks.
Watching this with my brothers and sisters in Christ, I have been in awe at the mighty work of God's hand in these towns. I am sure that our pastor didn't choose this video lightly, and that he did his own "homework" before showing them.
So after being inspired by the stories in these videos, this morning I set about to do some research into the stories of these towns and, hopefully, others like them. It was rather disconcerting, therefore when the first google "hit" I got was an opinion piece (which I realize by definition is, er, opinion and not fact). I read it through and, while I recognized a few valid points, I don't believe that any producer of inspirational videos can include every detail of a town's transformation the took place over a period of years, into the space of 10 minutes. That every detail wasn't included certainly isn't a reason to dismiss the accuracy of the films, at least in my mind.
The author does bring up an issue that isn't necessarily only specific to this film but that has been a concern of mine for years: that we control God. All we have to do is follow this magic formula, and Abracadabra! We have the result. Like mixing vinegar and baking soda, we're guaranteed a foaming response. There is a difference between answered prayer and God turning over His sovereignty to us, to get the desired result by following certain steps. I believe we must guard continually against this mindset, no matter what. However, I didn't necessarily see evidence of this in the video. I saw people praying for their towns, praying for their families, friends, and neighbors, and God responding in His mercy. I saw Christians using God's power to overcome evil, and the results affected their towns in amazing ways. I don't believe there is anything unbiblical about that. (Think Ephesus, Phillipi, Colossae, Galatia, etc.)
Another of the criticisms put forth by Ms. Barczynska refers to the manner in which the redeemed praised God. I'm not sure if it is the sticks or the festival atmosphere that has put her off exactly. But I know when I praise God, dancing, waving my hands (in some cultures I can imagine extending my arms by the use of sticks), and celebrating with fellow believers who share a joy that is too great for quieter expression doesn't seem at all unreasonable to me. When one sees their own town going from sin and despair to faith and hope as the result of God's mighty working in their midst, I would frankly be shocked if there wasn't dancing in the streets!
There are quite a few other little details that Ms. Barczynska picks at, such as her reasons for the size of the vegetables in Almolonga, that they only mentioned the effects on Mama Jane who was only one of many witches in Kiambu, etc. Again, it would be impossible to mention the fates of hundreds of witches in a 10-minute segment or to give a discourse on cultural history and interpretations or agricultural anomalies.
It is a long opinion piece, and I don't have the time or, frankly, the interest to discuss each of her many points - especially since most of them read like they were written by someone to explain away the powerful works of God and our responsibility as Christians to do the work to further His kingdom. Frankly, it read like a bunch of excuses to me.
This doesn't mean that she doesn't bring up some valid general concerns of which we need to be mindful, such as the sovereignty of God (as I mentioned earlier), His desire to answer our prayers when we pray within - and for - His will (James 5:16), the fruits of professing Christians (Mt.7:16), the name of Jesus above all names, and the fact that we, as soldiers of the cross (2Tim.2:3), are engaged in powerful spiritual battles (Eph.6:12). (And these references barely scratch the surface of our responsibilities, God's power, and the spiritual battles that every Christian must face on earth - or the Biblical references to them!)
Given all of this, I believe that this video is an amazing display of God's unleashing His power to accomplish His purposes "on earth as it is in heaven" and how the prayers of righteous men availeth much! It can also open the eyes of each of us as Christians as to how God can use us to proclaim the name of Christ throughout the nations (Mt.28:19) to bring down strongholds (2.Cor.10:4-5) remembering that the Spirit of Christ, Who indwells every believer, is greater than the one who is in the world (1Jn.4:4).
video, one "town" at a time for 4 weeks.Watching this with my brothers and sisters in Christ, I have been in awe at the mighty work of God's hand in these towns. I am sure that our pastor didn't choose this video lightly, and that he did his own "homework" before showing them.
So after being inspired by the stories in these videos, this morning I set about to do some research into the stories of these towns and, hopefully, others like them. It was rather disconcerting, therefore when the first google "hit" I got was an opinion piece (which I realize by definition is, er, opinion and not fact). I read it through and, while I recognized a few valid points, I don't believe that any producer of inspirational videos can include every detail of a town's transformation the took place over a period of years, into the space of 10 minutes. That every detail wasn't included certainly isn't a reason to dismiss the accuracy of the films, at least in my mind.
The author does bring up an issue that isn't necessarily only specific to this film but that has been a concern of mine for years: that we control God. All we have to do is follow this magic formula, and Abracadabra! We have the result. Like mixing vinegar and baking soda, we're guaranteed a foaming response. There is a difference between answered prayer and God turning over His sovereignty to us, to get the desired result by following certain steps. I believe we must guard continually against this mindset, no matter what. However, I didn't necessarily see evidence of this in the video. I saw people praying for their towns, praying for their families, friends, and neighbors, and God responding in His mercy. I saw Christians using God's power to overcome evil, and the results affected their towns in amazing ways. I don't believe there is anything unbiblical about that. (Think Ephesus, Phillipi, Colossae, Galatia, etc.)
Another of the criticisms put forth by Ms. Barczynska refers to the manner in which the redeemed praised God. I'm not sure if it is the sticks or the festival atmosphere that has put her off exactly. But I know when I praise God, dancing, waving my hands (in some cultures I can imagine extending my arms by the use of sticks), and celebrating with fellow believers who share a joy that is too great for quieter expression doesn't seem at all unreasonable to me. When one sees their own town going from sin and despair to faith and hope as the result of God's mighty working in their midst, I would frankly be shocked if there wasn't dancing in the streets!
There are quite a few other little details that Ms. Barczynska picks at, such as her reasons for the size of the vegetables in Almolonga, that they only mentioned the effects on Mama Jane who was only one of many witches in Kiambu, etc. Again, it would be impossible to mention the fates of hundreds of witches in a 10-minute segment or to give a discourse on cultural history and interpretations or agricultural anomalies.
It is a long opinion piece, and I don't have the time or, frankly, the interest to discuss each of her many points - especially since most of them read like they were written by someone to explain away the powerful works of God and our responsibility as Christians to do the work to further His kingdom. Frankly, it read like a bunch of excuses to me.
This doesn't mean that she doesn't bring up some valid general concerns of which we need to be mindful, such as the sovereignty of God (as I mentioned earlier), His desire to answer our prayers when we pray within - and for - His will (James 5:16), the fruits of professing Christians (Mt.7:16), the name of Jesus above all names, and the fact that we, as soldiers of the cross (2Tim.2:3), are engaged in powerful spiritual battles (Eph.6:12). (And these references barely scratch the surface of our responsibilities, God's power, and the spiritual battles that every Christian must face on earth - or the Biblical references to them!)
Given all of this, I believe that this video is an amazing display of God's unleashing His power to accomplish His purposes "on earth as it is in heaven" and how the prayers of righteous men availeth much! It can also open the eyes of each of us as Christians as to how God can use us to proclaim the name of Christ throughout the nations (Mt.28:19) to bring down strongholds (2.Cor.10:4-5) remembering that the Spirit of Christ, Who indwells every believer, is greater than the one who is in the world (1Jn.4:4).
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Just Sayin'...
Yesterday I ate supper - a moderate meal, not large by any means - at 4:00 in the afternoon.
At 2:45 this morning it returned for an encore. Nearly 11 hours after eating it.
I should have just had a half-cup of oatmeal with isotopes and a glass of water I guess.
Just sayin'...
At 2:45 this morning it returned for an encore. Nearly 11 hours after eating it.
I should have just had a half-cup of oatmeal with isotopes and a glass of water I guess.
Just sayin'...
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Latest Test Results
The last test I had was the Gastric Emptying Study. On an empty stomach, I had about half a cup of oatmeal with isotopes in it, followed by a glass of water.
The test showed normal gastric emptying.
Here's the rub: As I've mentioned, my food doesn't move through very quickly. Even 10-12 hours after eating, it hasn't passed through my stomach, it is still sitting there like a lump. I know this, I've lived with it for over 3 years. If it does move, it moves back UP; I can obviously feel my esophagus filling back up also. Many are the nights that I ate supper a 3:00 the previous afternoon, and at 3:00 in the morning I still can't lay down because my stomach hasn't emptied, and it will come back up into my esophagus - or even further. (Believe me, throwing up a meal that's been "digesting" for 10-12 hours is AWFUL! I happens to me a lot.)
So basically, that test proved that a half-cup of oatmeal, washed down with water on an empty stomach will move. As far as I'm concerned, and in my CONSIDERABLE experience, that's all it shows. It doesn't show that my stomach empties as it should. It doesn't.
Of course, the "nurse" that read the results over the phone pronounced endoscopy as en-DOH-scope-ee, after stumbling over it a few times. And she didn't know what GES stood for. (Hello?? You're giving the results of a Gastric Emptying Study!)
Whatever. All this means is that, as I sit here with a bulging solid painful area sticking out in front of me, that nobody yet has a clue. It irritates the hell out of me, though, that now they will be operating on the assumption that my food passes through my stomach just fine, since that's what the records say. I wonder if I can correct my record to say that a small amount (compared to a meal) of oatmeal washed down with water passes through an empty stomach adequately, instead?
I guess the next step is a consult with a surgeon. In a few weeks.
God help me. Literally.
The test showed normal gastric emptying.
Here's the rub: As I've mentioned, my food doesn't move through very quickly. Even 10-12 hours after eating, it hasn't passed through my stomach, it is still sitting there like a lump. I know this, I've lived with it for over 3 years. If it does move, it moves back UP; I can obviously feel my esophagus filling back up also. Many are the nights that I ate supper a 3:00 the previous afternoon, and at 3:00 in the morning I still can't lay down because my stomach hasn't emptied, and it will come back up into my esophagus - or even further. (Believe me, throwing up a meal that's been "digesting" for 10-12 hours is AWFUL! I happens to me a lot.)
So basically, that test proved that a half-cup of oatmeal, washed down with water on an empty stomach will move. As far as I'm concerned, and in my CONSIDERABLE experience, that's all it shows. It doesn't show that my stomach empties as it should. It doesn't.
Of course, the "nurse" that read the results over the phone pronounced endoscopy as en-DOH-scope-ee, after stumbling over it a few times. And she didn't know what GES stood for. (Hello?? You're giving the results of a Gastric Emptying Study!)
Whatever. All this means is that, as I sit here with a bulging solid painful area sticking out in front of me, that nobody yet has a clue. It irritates the hell out of me, though, that now they will be operating on the assumption that my food passes through my stomach just fine, since that's what the records say. I wonder if I can correct my record to say that a small amount (compared to a meal) of oatmeal washed down with water passes through an empty stomach adequately, instead?
I guess the next step is a consult with a surgeon. In a few weeks.
God help me. Literally.
Friday, June 11, 2010
My Greatest Life Lesson
There's a lot in my head that will never again see the light of day. Why? Because people tell me things - lots of things - because they know I'm not a gossip. What others tell me is still theirs, and therefore not mine to spread around. Doesn't matter if it is "secret" information; to me, it is all "secret" as far as I'm concerned.
So - the Greatest Life Lesson? Keep your mouth shut. Just because you know something doesn't mean that you should tell everybody - or even anybody. Often, nobody cares. And other times, seemingly minor things can cause major problems. But mostly, as I said earlier, when someone shares something with you they aren't automatically granting you the rights to it - including the right to share it elsewhere.
While on the subject, then 2nd greatest life lesson is that listening is a gift; talking is an intrusion. Just shut up and listen. Most people are desperate for a listening, caring ear. They don't care about your opinions and often not even about your similar experiences. They just want someone to care enough to listen. If it is important enough for them to want to share, it is important enough for your undivided, considerate, thoughtful attention. You will know when your input is wanted, because it will be requested. Otherwise, you can't go wrong by listening.
I don't care who you are, if I don't see evidence that these lessons aren't part of your life, I won't tell you anything important. I will keep my things to myself, close to my own heart, and you won't have the privilege of sharing them with me. That's just how it is.
So - the Greatest Life Lesson? Keep your mouth shut. Just because you know something doesn't mean that you should tell everybody - or even anybody. Often, nobody cares. And other times, seemingly minor things can cause major problems. But mostly, as I said earlier, when someone shares something with you they aren't automatically granting you the rights to it - including the right to share it elsewhere.
While on the subject, then 2nd greatest life lesson is that listening is a gift; talking is an intrusion. Just shut up and listen. Most people are desperate for a listening, caring ear. They don't care about your opinions and often not even about your similar experiences. They just want someone to care enough to listen. If it is important enough for them to want to share, it is important enough for your undivided, considerate, thoughtful attention. You will know when your input is wanted, because it will be requested. Otherwise, you can't go wrong by listening.
I don't care who you are, if I don't see evidence that these lessons aren't part of your life, I won't tell you anything important. I will keep my things to myself, close to my own heart, and you won't have the privilege of sharing them with me. That's just how it is.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Yesterday I Wrote...
..."But I'm not convinced that this "new" pain is even digestive-system related. I...already recognize and deal with pain from nerve-damaged digestive tract and sluggish peristalsis. Have lived with that for several years so far and it's familiar. I have a sense that they will see what I already know, and miss the cause of the new symptoms...I don't want to hear the same thing I heard 3 years ago, and the doc thinking she's found it."
Today I didn't have any appetite all day, so I didn't eat. Then ate a regular-sized supper. And feel fine, several hours later.
Which is one of those things that led me to write what I wrote yesterday.
Just sayin'...
Today I didn't have any appetite all day, so I didn't eat. Then ate a regular-sized supper. And feel fine, several hours later.
Which is one of those things that led me to write what I wrote yesterday.
Just sayin'...
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Today's Testing
I got up at 5:30 to get my shower and take care of things around here before leaving at about 6:45. Checked in at the clinic. The nurse last week told me the test could take 4 hours or more, so I had to take the day off from my job (which I HATE to do) for test time, driving time, paperwork time, whatever. In actuality I was done with my test by 10:30. Pete had appointments in another city in that area of the state so I was able to go with him, and my sister didn't have to drive me all the way home, and back downstate where she lives. A Praise!
Test consisted of eating a bowl of plain oatmeal containing radioactive isotopes. The tech took a 2-minute-long picture (guessing like a video? don't know for sure) right away, and then every 15 minutes to see where the isotopes were. I won't find anything out until the doctor gets the results and tells me about them. I hope they got pictures of the oatmeal coming right back up into my esophagus, although I was able to prevent it from coming up all the way at least...
It's not my place to talk about Pete's appointments and issues. Let's just say that they potentially could make my own, as bad as they are, pale in comparison. He has more appointments coming up as well, and has to go to the BIG VA hospital in Ann Arbor for more sophisticated testing... Difference is, his stuff may very well have a greater long-term impact on him than mine may (have no way of knowing at this point of course) have on me...but at the moment his stuff isn't impacting his life as much. Right now I'm more concerned about him than about myself.
Not much has changed of course. I take the pain meds and hope I don't get addicted, eat when I can, and eat whatever I can, and only as much as I can. But I'm not convinced that this "new" pain is even digestive-system related. I already know I have pain from GERD, already recognize and deal with pain from nerve-damaged digestive tract and sluggish peristalsis. Have lived with that for several years so far and it's familiar. I have a sense that they will see what I already know, and miss the cause of the new symptoms that I went to see my doctor about on May 3rd - this is different...I don't want to hear the same thing I heard 3 years ago, and the doc thinking she's found it...
Anyway, one step at a time. I don't know what's next. I guess wait for results from last week and from this week? Will report back as I learn anything, or if anything changes...
Gut stuff may be taking precedence at the moment but I want to be able to walk too. the pain in my legs is every bit as bad as in my gut, and has as much - if not more at times - impact on my quality (using that term loosely!) of life. But the time will come to address that too, I'm sure. If I'm asking too much, then it might only be because I want too much. I have an appointment at the end of next month for my blind eye too - if I could get that fixed I could...well...one thing at a time...
Thanks for all the prayers. Storming the throne of grace on my behalf is what will make all the difference, I already know this. And I do have hope. It is only here, on my blog, that I take off the happy face and let my real feelings show. But I do have hope for a more normal, less painful, more ambulatory, less dependent life again, and realize that it's just in the getting there that is the biggest trial.
God is still on his throne.
Test consisted of eating a bowl of plain oatmeal containing radioactive isotopes. The tech took a 2-minute-long picture (guessing like a video? don't know for sure) right away, and then every 15 minutes to see where the isotopes were. I won't find anything out until the doctor gets the results and tells me about them. I hope they got pictures of the oatmeal coming right back up into my esophagus, although I was able to prevent it from coming up all the way at least...
It's not my place to talk about Pete's appointments and issues. Let's just say that they potentially could make my own, as bad as they are, pale in comparison. He has more appointments coming up as well, and has to go to the BIG VA hospital in Ann Arbor for more sophisticated testing... Difference is, his stuff may very well have a greater long-term impact on him than mine may (have no way of knowing at this point of course) have on me...but at the moment his stuff isn't impacting his life as much. Right now I'm more concerned about him than about myself.
Not much has changed of course. I take the pain meds and hope I don't get addicted, eat when I can, and eat whatever I can, and only as much as I can. But I'm not convinced that this "new" pain is even digestive-system related. I already know I have pain from GERD, already recognize and deal with pain from nerve-damaged digestive tract and sluggish peristalsis. Have lived with that for several years so far and it's familiar. I have a sense that they will see what I already know, and miss the cause of the new symptoms that I went to see my doctor about on May 3rd - this is different...I don't want to hear the same thing I heard 3 years ago, and the doc thinking she's found it...
Anyway, one step at a time. I don't know what's next. I guess wait for results from last week and from this week? Will report back as I learn anything, or if anything changes...
Gut stuff may be taking precedence at the moment but I want to be able to walk too. the pain in my legs is every bit as bad as in my gut, and has as much - if not more at times - impact on my quality (using that term loosely!) of life. But the time will come to address that too, I'm sure. If I'm asking too much, then it might only be because I want too much. I have an appointment at the end of next month for my blind eye too - if I could get that fixed I could...well...one thing at a time...
Thanks for all the prayers. Storming the throne of grace on my behalf is what will make all the difference, I already know this. And I do have hope. It is only here, on my blog, that I take off the happy face and let my real feelings show. But I do have hope for a more normal, less painful, more ambulatory, less dependent life again, and realize that it's just in the getting there that is the biggest trial.
God is still on his throne.
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