Vlogging! (SERIOUSLY???)

I've probably mentioned that the idea of vlogging has intrigued me for a while. Strange thought for me though, who would have thought I'd have that narcissistic streak in me? I don't like anything that's "all about me" - so go figure, not even sure why I've been wanting to do it. But I have, so I'm giving it a shot. 2 vlogs posted so far in fact!

Things I've noticed: Yes, my voice sounds split outside of my own head too! Years of being bathed in acid have wrecked my larynx. Ugh. But at least it's not all the time. And just think, I can sing duets with myself! :)

My mouth looks funny when I talk. Can't describe it, it just looks funny. I don't like watching it. Have I always looked like that?

I have a LONG way to go before my vlogs look anything like the ones I watch - lots to learn about doing this thing, it sure ain't as easy as it looks!

I never saw a vlog until a couple of years ago, I was browsing around YouTube and I saw this woman talking about cosmetics. Since I have no interest in cosmetics - don't even wear them - I was mesmerized. She was taking it all so seriously! Holding up various items in various colors, telling where she got them, and it was as if she were reporting the nightly news or something, she was so focused and intent on describing these cosmetics. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, how could anybody care so much about makeup?!? So of course I subscribed to her. As time went on I saw that she had a whole lot to say that had nothing to do with vanity, she was a real 3D person who took care of herself and her family. She talked about her life, TV shows she watched, books, the things she did, crafts, cooking...I really enjoyed listening to her. Then one day quite a while ago she talked about leaving YouTube, she was clearly upset and depressed. I found myself praying for her, she had become such a part of my days, and I grew to care about her as if she were a "real-life" friend. She did come back to YouTube, and I was glad. And now to this day I look forward to seeing what is new in her life, and praying for her and her family. It is almost like legal stalking - lol!

Hers isn't the only blog I watch. I watched Shay Carl's posts for a while, he's quite popular and with good reason, too! But he got to start feeling not so personal, more commercial, or something, so I rarely check in him anymore. I started watched a woman who is also in my generation who is into low carb eating, natural supplements and products, and has vlogged somewhat about her life but mostly about her health, and I follow her pretty closely. And I was following a gal who was traveling across the country in a truck camper. Loved her vlogs, looked forward to see how she was doing and make sure all was well with her, prayed for her...then she ran into some bad times and her language in one of her vlogs was really disturbing to me, profanity grieves the spirit, I decided to unsubscribe from her but I will hope she is doing well, and pray for her.

So none of this explains why I want to vlog. As a person who typically wants to stay OUT of the limelight, doesn't like being the center of attention, and lives a fairly private life, I don't understand it. But since the urge to do it has persisted for several months, I'm trying it. There is no reason for it. I just am.

Here is a link to my YouTube channel, if you are interested.

Facebook

Facebook is such a strange society. I've been quite active there for several years, most of the time having a love-hate relationship with it.

Then, a few weeks ago, the Lord started telling me that it had become my god. While I didn't worship it in the same sense as I worship the Lord, it had become the place where I went when I wanted to share something, get something off my chest, talk about things...instead of to Him! And as always He gave me confirmation...so over 2 weeks ago I took a hiatus from my wall. I get notifications in my email about people who post to me, and have chosen to respond only to messages, deleting most of the wall posts after a quick scan. (Previously I was compelled to go to FB to respond to every one of them.) I have a couple of Facebook groups, and belong to a few other groups on FB. But it was The Wall that had taken God's place in my life. I continued - and continue - check on the groups and even participate once in a while.

It has been interesting. Where I thought I would miss it all terribly, I haven't missed it at all. I'm talking to my Lord a LOT more now about what's on my mind or in my heart, instead of posting them to my wall. As light social outlets I use Pinterest and Twitter (which I've used for longer than FB), and spend about 10% of the time on those combined than I used to spend on Facebook.

It is interesting to note that this has also been a humbling experience. After not posting to my wall for 2 weeks, only one of my hundreds of FB friends has apparently noticed my absence...at least enough to contact me and ask about it! WOW, and here I thought that there was this terrific mutually important party line going on with my "friends" - but learned that it is so UNimportant, absence isn't even noticed! It is definitely humbling to get evidence of one's insignificance in the lives of others.

Another side note: when I post to twitter or pinterest, or my blogs, these are fed onto FB. I don't have to actually go there and post, so maybe people see these and ignore the source, so don't now I'm not there, it's just an automatic feed? Who knows? All I know is that this experience has been enlightening and freeing...and that I'm once again talking to my Lord, my precious Master and Savior, continually as I go through my days. So whatever is - or isn't - happening on Facebook, and whoever does - or doesn't - know that I'm not really there, really doesn't matter as much as I always thought it did!

Whether or not I start using Facebook as a social outlet and communication tool again remains to be seen. I have no desire to do so at the moment, although I have started skimming my wall to make sure all is well with my friends once a day or so, and have even clicked a couple of Like buttons. At the moment I don't really think about it too much, and when I do I'm ambivalent about it all, and I certainly don't feel it drawing me back. So, who knows?

Meanwhile I relax happily with Pinterest, and communicate via my blogs and twitter and occasionally email, and enjoy so much more time with God. Life is back in balance.

Big Nell is Home

Well, it took a few weeks from broken to fixed but Big Nell got home a couple of weeks ago, and with a new hard drive.

She's running just fine now, and all the little niggling problems that made me nuts before are resolved...probably the original hard drive had defects, and that's why I had so much trouble with running Ubuntu and Linux Mint so was stuck using Windows, and even had miscellaneous aggravations with that!

Anyway, I now have Linux Mint installed and it's running perfectly. Still using Windows during the day for my job because it's where all of my files and software are currently loaded, but that will change so I can use Mint all the time instead.

The hassle of returning Big Nell was still a hassle. But now my husband is happy with his new computer (he hasn't had a new one in 6½ years, I've had at least 2 new ones since then!) and I'm happy to have Big Nell back, AND WORKING PROPERLY! :)

A Fun Game with Leelan!

Leelan is my 3YO grandson. He loves playing with his "bowling bat" (a plastic golf club) and a big red ball but of course not so good to play with in the house. We have a vacant lot between our house and the house to our south, which we maintain as a lawn, so Saturday Leelan & I went out there and made up a new game. It was great fun for me too!

One of us chooses a place to stand - close to a bush or tree, or on an incline, is a good spot - and that person is the "goal." The other one takes the ball about 20' away, and hits it with the bowling bat toward the "goal"; touching the ball with hands or feet is not allowed! You have reached the goal when the ball touches that person's feet/legs AND stays there, so s/he can pick it up without moving from their spot. 1 point is scored for each stroke, as in mini-golf. One the goal picks up the ball, s/he becomes the player and the other one becomes the goal. The player stays where s/he is and the goal chooses another place to stand. Play continues, reversing roles, until a certain score is reached - the person that reaches that score first is the loser.

What a fun game for both a preschooler and a grandma to play together!

The Word and The World

As I've mentioned before, I get a lot of chaos in my brain since my stroke. Too much input (which now means just a couple of things happening at once!) results in mental confusion or even inability to deal with any of them, as well as frustration and even anger. I wasn't like this before obviously...and even though it's been a few years, I still struggle in dealing with it, since I apparently can't "screen out" input so as to concentrate on one thing at a time...

Anyway, recently I've increasingly been experiencing this mental chaos/frustration/anger cycle going on and haven't been able to pinpoint exactly why. My environment or the people around me (who "get it") haven't changed. So, what then...?

The internet has been great for me. I can talk to people, post updates, and be social without having to think quickly, or deal with other stuff at the same time. I can do it on my terms, when other things aren't vying for my limited attention. I used to be quick and smart in conversations; now I can still be quick and smart when I'm writing because I can take time to think and control the environment.

It's been great being able to witness and share the gospel online, especially via social networks.

But there, as in "real life", there is a whole lot of the world. And I have really let the world's concerns bore holes in my spirit. It's been a slow, incremental change, but a change just the same, until it all started upheaval in my carefully-ordered world. I found myself struggling with even mundane, common tasks and thought processes, frustration and anger taking over more and more...

It took a while to realize what was happening. It wasn't the fault of the internet or social media, it wasn't even a "fault" at all, just an encroachment that I didn't see happening and therefore didn't stop.

The reason I'm even writing about it is that the same things can happen to any of us. The world, its views, its problems and issues, all start taking up more and more space in our thoughts and lives. It isn't that we aren't to deal with them - share and love our brothers and sisters, take the gospel to the world, uproot sin in the name of Jesus wherever it is found - but that these things can't be allowed to become our focus.

Our eyes must always stay on Jesus. Our hearts must always be full of the Word. Even as we do whatever He has called us to do, it is still all about HIM and not about the world. I have to say that again, it is so important: It is all about Him and not about the world.

So last week I decided to take a sabbatical from social networks for the weekend, and focus on Jesus, on the Word, on prayer...then yesterday - Sunday - came, and church, and a guest speaker/singer. And God used her in such a mighty way in my heart!! The things she said were like arrows, shooting the truth right into my spirit! So many things I can't begin write them all down (I can't remember them anyway but I remember their gist), and I'm thrilled that Pete "taped" the whole thing on his Droid! He's never done that before - another way God moved - but I can listen to her again and again!

I need more time with the Lord. My social networking will be severely curtailed, so I can spend time in the Word and in prayer. I haven't been blogging as much either, and that's going to change. I've overdosed on the world, on worldly events and issues and too many things temporal. Now I'm craving once again fellowship with my Father and a spirit that is centered on the spiritual and the eternal.

I am so thankful that God didn't just hand me back over to the world!

(Note that links to this blog are posted on various social sites. If you reply there, I probably won't see it. Just sayin'...)

Update on Big Nell @aspireonenews

I've always liked Acers and she definitely isn't my first...but she will be my last. First of all, she will have cost me 50% more in labor and shipping fees by the time I get her back - IF they will fix her - than what I originally spent to buy her. Second, their tech support is apparently in India, they have heavy accents I can't understand, speak quickly, and have an attitude when I ask them to slow down. Local tech told me the hard drive is totally dead. Probably why she hasn't worked right since I got her the end of March. Cost me an hour of his labor to find that out, and Acer doesn't supply RMAs for free shipping as part of their "warranty" so I have to pay for that. And I HAVE to send it via UPS or FedEx, he told me they won't accept USPS packages...even though we have no UPS or FedEx office in our town - so add gas to the total. Not even counting that I had to buy a new computer just to do my job when she crashed...(and not an Acer, this is my first non-Acer in years.) A bad machine happens every so often and I can understand that...but I don't do business with companies that have such poor customer support.

A Dream I Had

Last night I had a vivid dream. I rarely remember my dreams, if I have them at all, and even when I do remember, they typically fade from memory within minutes of waking up. This dream, though, didn't feel like a dream when I was in it, and I remember it now, nearly 3 hours after I got up.

In this dream there was a young woman, and she was laughing at my faith in God, laughing at the things of Him, and I said, "Get thee behind me Satan!" Then in her place appeared a man with wild eyes, almost yellow eyes, wearing a black shirt with a black hood. What I could see of his hair was dark and wild, and he was scornfully laughing at me. I knew that he was telling me (without words) that I had no power to send the devil out of this girl, or to get him to leave her alone. As mean as he was, though, I had no fear whatsoever. I looked at him steadily and said, "I have no need to fear you, I belong to Jesus and He has overcome evil and death! You have no power over me and you cannot harm me! IN THE NAME OF JESUS, LEAVE ME ALONE!" and he instantly disappeared. I wasn't surprised in my dream, I just took it as a matter of fact - it was as expected and normal as flipping a switch and the lamp turning on. There was no sense of "WOW, that was really something!"

Then as I was reading one of my devotions this morning, I started to cry. This is the devotion. I started reading it and found it interesting...then as I got down to the 2nd half of it, I saw that girl from my dream and it was my daughter Casey. It isn't my place to share her life here, but I will say that my heart has been burdened for her for a long time. I have been praying for God to put people in her path who know Him and will share Him, for her to have an awareness of God in her own heart, for Him to speak to her and call her...some prayers of anguish and grief, some pleading prayers, but never have I said what I say now:

Satan, YOU CAN'T HAVE HER!